The RatBag

We didn't have the green thing in our day

2012-01-02T18:38:00.000+10:00

(This was pinched from another site)

Checking out at the grocery store recently, the young Checkout girl suggested I should bring my own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment. I apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."

She responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

She was right about one thing -- our generation didn't have the green thing in “Our” day. So what did we have back then…? After some reflection and soul-searching on "Our" day here's what I remembered we did have....

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles repeatedly. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building.

We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 240 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right. We didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn petrol just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right. We didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus, and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service.

We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then? Please pass this on so another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smarty-pants young person can add to this..

Big Bad Al

Dear Tech Support

2011-12-31T12:12:00.000+10:00

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as AFL 5.0, The Ashes 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate.
.......................................................................

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: http: I Thought You Loved Me.HTML and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck, Tech Support

Yet Another Burger Visit

2011-12-11T17:56:00.001+10:00

Today was yet another visiting Burger day.

I didn't take any photos this time so I have had to use archive file copies.

Those who attended were:

Greybeard

and Fifi

Morgana

Moko

Quokka

and Mayhem Mischief

Peg Leg Mayhem was visiting from Melbourne.

As usual the day started with Lunch of Fish and Chips at Margate.

For some reason Quokka's Fish and Chips came with Tomato Sauce...

After the Fish and Chips Morgana and Moko made a break for it as there were storms building in their areas. The rest of us headed down to Woody Point for some Gelato. While the rest of us had a normal Gelato, Mayhem decided to tackle a Double Gelato Cone.

Needless to say Mayhem struggled with it. Mayhem's problem was keeping all the scoops balanced on the cone. Ended up having to grab a bowl to offload the excess...

While we were at Woody Point, I arranged for The Redcliffestan Air Force to do a flyover whilst on Patrol.

There was some Jet Ski activity around the Woody Point Jetty so unfortunately the Killer Black Dolphins were a no show.

As there were storms approaching everyone departed full of Fish & Chips and Gelato. Everyone got home without getting too wet.

Once again it was good to see some of the Burgers and I thank them for their visit.

At this time I would like to wish everyone

A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Have a Safe and Happy Holiday Season

Big Bad Al

And all I got was this Lousy T-shirt

2011-12-05T09:27:00.001+10:00

I had a visit from yet another Burger last Saturday.

This time Marc (Drej) from Broome Western Australia dropped by. Not a bad effort considering that Broome is on the other side of the Continent and about 3320 Kilometres (2060 Miles) from here, but seeing as he came via Darwin he had actually travelled about 4000Kilometres (2500 Miles) to get here.

Where the hell is Broome? You may ask. Go here for more info: Broome Western Australia

Now I would like to say that Marc flew all that way just to visit me but I can't. He was in Darwin for some sort of business junket and flew to Brisbane to go and see GirlClumsy's play, "How to be a Man." and get his HTBAM T-shirt.

Anyway Marc called in and we went down to the Seafood Lovers for Lunch with Quokka and the Bloke and my Maureen. Lunch of Fish and Chips followed by a Gelato at Woody Point is turning into some sort of a tradition with visitors to my little bit of Paradise. As is coming to the People's Republic of Redcliffestan for any Burger visiting up this way.

It is always good to meet the Burgers.

The Bloke, Qoukka, Maureen and Marc

(Oh and of course Reilly the Vicious Wolfhound)

Marc came bearing gifts. 500 grams of Coffee Beans from Kimberley Coffee a Broome supplier of Fine Coffee. He also brought some Kimberley Tea for Quokka.

When most people think of towns outside of Perth or any capital city they think small country towns without much going for them. But Broome is a thriving regional town. A tourist mecca for the North West. Sure it is miles from anywhere and can be isolated during the Wet or when a cyclone is in the area but it is a beautiful part of Australia.

Western Australia is the only State that I have not visited except when I was in the Army. And that was only to conduct Surveillance Patrols of Northern Australia with elements of the Pilbera Regiment and NorForce.

It was another magnificent day for an outing to the beach. But it was a bit windy for Reilly. Imagine if you will two ginormous ears on four legs... He damn near took off... Lucky he was tied down with a leash or we may have had to make a trip to Moko's place to pick him up..

Once again the afternoon ended quickly as Marc had to head to Brisbane to catch up with a friend (Yes despite the rumours he does have a friend.) and attend How to be a Man.

One little side story to the day. There is always a side story and again it involves Quokka. On the way into Margate Quokka spied this

and thought Moko was in town. But it turned out to be a rival...

Have a look at the sticker on the trailer. (You may need to click on it to enlarge it) It has an Australian Flag and says "If you don't Love it LEAVE!"

Once again I thank Marc for taking the time to come up for a visit.

'Til next time...

Big Bad Al

An Invasion of Burgers

2011-11-16T01:39:00.001+10:00

This last weekend has been busy for me.

First on Friday there was a talkfest by John Birmingham at the Redcliffe Library. John was on the last leg of an Australia wide book tour promoting his latest book Angels of Vengeance, the third in the Disappearance trilogy.

John's chat was part of the Get Reading! programme. Get Reading! is Australia’s largest annual celebration of books and reading. Previously known as Books Alive, Get Reading! is a month-long, nationwide campaign to encourage more Australians to discover or rediscover the pleasure of reading books. The campaign is an Australian Government initiative developed through the Australia Council for the Arts.

Had a quiet coffee and a bit of a chat with John after the event as he was anxious to get home and be with his family.

I must thank John here as he sent me an advance copy of Angels of Vengeance. At this stage I will not comment on it as it has only just been released into the wild and I don't want to spoil it for others and our American friends. I will say this however, It is a great read. Available at all good book stores.

John Birmingham working his magic

On Saturday I had warning of an invasion of Burgers who were rocking up for lunch and an afternoon of relaxing by the sea. Unfortunately they managed to get across the bridge, through the barricades and dodged my Attack Penguins.

Those who survived and managed to get to the Seafood Lovers Cafe at Margate for lunch were (at this point I would like to apologise for not remembering every ones name. Those that know me know that I have a very dodgy Remembering Brain)

Quokka & Mr Quokka (Alan I think), Greybeard & Mrs Greybeard, Chaz & Marcela, Damian James & Mrs DJ and Therbs.

At the appointed time I was waiting across the road from the cafe at one of the beach side BBQ shelters on the boardwalk.

I noticed a couple looking lost and was about to head across the road when they were accosted by one of our local nutters. They were in good hands and getting to know the locals so I left them too it. After the welcoming committee had departed I went over and introduced myself to Damian & Mrs D.

The others turned up in short time and we commandeered a large seating area, ordered lunch and got to know each other. Lunch was various versions of Fish, Chips and Salad. Damian had brought a coupe of bottles of wine which he kindly shared with all.

The Mob

The Mob including Chaz

Quokka, Mr Quokka and Marcela

Now this next photo has a bit of a story. While I was taking the above photo Quokka thrust her chest at me and said "Get a picture of this." "hummmm." I thinks "This is going straight onto Red Tube." Not to be. She wanted a picture of the logo on her top. Apparently, for some reason, that particular company gets John Birmingham's blood angered up. So here it is.

Greybeard fading into the background

After lunch we all headed down to Woody Point to partake of some fine Gelato from the local Ice Creamery.

Desserts was consumed on the new Woody Point Jetty.

Gelato & a chin wag

Alan, Quokka, Marcela and Chaz

Chaz, Alan & Quokka

A relaxing afternoon was spent consuming Gelato, good conversation and walks along the Jetty. And on cue my two trained Black Dolphins turned up and put on a bit of a show for the visitors.

It is not often that I get to meet some of the Burgers. I enjoyed the afternoon of good food, good company and good conversation. All too quickly the afternoon ended as everyone had to get back to Brisbane for the Opening of GirlClumsy's new play, How to be a Man.

Having now met the partners of some of the Burgers I must say they are lovely and delightful and Guys... You are all definitely punching above your weights.

I thank everyone, especially the interstate visitors, for taking the time out to come and visit my little bit of paradise. You are all welcome anytime.

Big Bad Al

Joke of the Day

2011-08-19T18:32:00.001+10:00

Two boys in Brisbane playing football in the park when one of the boys is attacked by a savage Rottweiler.

Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar, and twists, breaking the dog's neck.

A Courier Mail reporter hears about the incident and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Young Lions Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.

But I'm not a Lions fan," the little hero replies.

"Sorry, since we are in Brisbane just assumed you were," says the reporter, and he starts again.

"Bronco's Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack!” he jots in his notebook.
"I'm not a Broncos fan either," the boy responds.

The reporter starts again: "Maroons Supporter Risks Life In Heroic Rescue"
"I'm not a Maroons fan either," the boy responds.

"I assumed everyone in Brisbane was either for the Lions, Broncos or the Maroons. What team do you cheer for?" the reporter asks.

"We are both from Sydney and I'm a Blue's fan," the boy says.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little Redneck Cockroach Bastard Vandalises Fence And Kills Beloved Family Pet."

Big Bad Al

In reply to…

2011-07-25T20:04:00.001+10:00

A Canadian libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.

She received back the following reply:

National Defence Headquarters
MGen George R. Pearkes Bldg, 15 NT
101 Colonel By Drive
Ottawa,ON K1A 0K2
Canada

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian Forces - who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National correctional System facilities.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa.

You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself; we are creating a new Department here at the Department of National Defence, to be called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers' program, or L.A.R.K. For short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care.

Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint.

It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommend in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem " will help him overcome these character flaws.

Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.

We understand that you plan to offer counselling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers.

We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group.

He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property.

This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.

I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of 'respecting his culture and religious beliefs' as described in your letter.

Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man.

You take good care of Ahmed - and remember we'll be watching.

Good luck and God bless you.

Cordially,

Gordon O'Connor
Minister of National Defense

Kulula Airline Fun

2011-07-20T20:17:00.001+10:00

Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously. Check out their new livery! And have a read about their Customer Relations.

Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg. Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.."

From a Kulula employee: "Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landingin Cape Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline". He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.

She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
The little old lady said,"Did we land, or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:
"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

Heard on a Kulula flight:
"Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.

Big Bad Al

OLD AGE TEXTING CODES

2011-07-19T21:44:00.001+10:00

OLD AGE TEXTING CODES

ATD	at the doctor.
BFF	best friend fell.
BTW	bring the wheelchair.
BYOT	bring your own teeth.
FWIW	forgot where I was.
GGPBL	gotta go, pacemaker battery low.
GHA	got heartburn again.
IMHO	is my hearing aid on?
LMDO	laughing my dentures out.
OMMR	on my massage recliner.
ROFLACGU	rolling on floor laughing and can't get up.
TTYL	talk to you louder!

Big Bad Al

Frivolous Friday Faffers

2011-07-15T13:18:00.001+10:00

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.

Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot . . .

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.

"We missed the R ! We missed the R ! We missed the R !"

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"

With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was...

"CELEBRATE !!!"

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story....

Don't mess with old farts ... age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Finding a woman sobbing because she had locked her keys in the car, a man assures her that he can help. She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers and rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them over the car door. Magically it opens, and the woman asks how he did it. "Easy" say the man "these are my khaki trousers."

Knock knock

Who's there?

Arthur

Arthur who?

Arthur any better jokes on this site?

Big Bad Al

Pig Racing

2011-07-02T16:31:00.002+10:00

Well it is that time of the year again. The Redcliffe Show. Which of course means the annual Pig Racing. Friday is “People’s Day” , free entry, and it is school holidays so every single mother and their kids and every Bogan (sometime the one and the same) in the area goes to the show.

The Show goes for three days with different events each day and the highlight of Friday is the Pig Racing. There is the usual horse jumping and displays by the Woodworking Society, The Honey Display, The Quilters Competitions and Horticultural displays. No farm machinery, or agricultural displays but there is Camel Rides and a Petting Zoo full of cute furry critters for the kiddies.

We are too close to Brisbane to have an agricultural show and too far out to be a city show like Brisbane’s Ekka or Sydney’s Royal Easter Show.

There are of course the usual rides and sideshow alley and the Show Bag vans flogging off the last of last years stock so the Carnies can stock up on new stuff for the Ekka which is in August.

The Pig Racing is the highlight and draws a big crowd. There is a pig race every hour during the afternoon. The idea is that everyone buys a ticket. There is then a draw and the winners get to select their pig. There are 6 pigs per race. Actually it is the same six pigs. The pigs race and the “owners” get a prize, $50 for first place and $25 for second place.

It is all very exciting. The Ladies don their cleanest pair of Ugg Boots and Tracky Dackys for the day and the gentlemen put on their best T-shirt and polish their thongs. The kiddies run around trying to figure out which one of the gathered men is their father.

I usually go to the Show on Friday because I’m a pensioner, it is free and… well…I’m a cheap bastard.

And being the party animal that I am I dress to suit the occasion.

My youngest son and Maureen race to get the first Dagwood Dog of the day.

Dodgy Dodgems

Dodgy Dagwood Dogs

They named an animal after me – Big Bad Al Paca

Awww Cute little critter.

An the Pig Racing is brought to you by:

The Starters in the mounting yard

Correct weight at the finish (Gold was the winner of this race)

Arrrgh! There be Pirates here abouts

The Tears of a Clown.

So that is the excitement over for another year. I can now start planning for next year’s trip to the Redcliffe Show and the annual Pig Racing. I hope you are excited as much as I was.

“til next year…

Big Bad Al

2010 DARWIN AWARDS

2011-05-25T16:42:00.001+10:00

Eighth Place

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.

People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.

Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.

Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired.

The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop.

The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

Honourable Mention

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. So they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.

Runner Up

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic.

The conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby.

They secured one end aroundBingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

And the Winner is....

Zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.

The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit happens'

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL..

Big Bad Al

Only 56 years ago!

2011-04-24T16:26:00.003+10:00

Comments made in the year 1955!

‘I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it’s going to be impossible to buy a week’s groceries for $10.00. ‘

‘Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won’t be long before $1, 000.00 will only buy a used one.’

‘If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m going to quit; 20 cents a pack is ridiculous. ‘

‘Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter.’

‘If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.’

‘When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 25 cents a gallon. Guess we’d be better off leaving the car in the garage.’

‘I’m afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in ‘GONE WITH THE WIND’, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.’

‘I read the other day where some scientist thinks it’s possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts
preparing for it down in Texas.’

‘Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn’t surprise me if someday they’ll be making more than the President. ‘

‘I never thought I’d see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now. ‘

‘It’s too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet. ‘

‘It won’t be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.’

‘I’m afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.’

‘Thank goodness I won’t live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to
government.’

‘The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they
will ever catch on.’

‘There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a hotel.’

‘No one can afford to be sick anymore. At $15.00 a day in the hospital, it’s too rich for my blood.’

‘If they think I’ll pay 30 cents for a hair cut, forget it.’

Big Bad Al

Slacker Saturday Time Wasters

2011-04-09T07:46:00.008+10:00

End of Times?

Millions of people believe that we are living in the “end times”. Many are looking for a viable solution to survive potential future Earth devastating events. Eventually, our planet will realize another devastating catastrophe, whether man made, or a cyclical force of nature. Disasters are rare and unexpected, but on any sort of long timeline, they're inevitable. It's time to prepare!

Have a look this site that builds End of Times Shelters here. This page shows a video of a shelter in Nebraska, USA. Check out the rest of the site.

Submitted by Greybeard (so don't blame me)

Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite? All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador." "Bugger that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"

I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.

Spent $40 on eBay last week for a penis enlarger. Just opened it and some bastard's sent me a magnifying glass!

Time Waster Game.

8 letters in search of a word. A brainiac game.

Facts about Australia:

Swimming - In 1838 it was declared illegal to swim at public beaches during the day! This law was enforced until 1902.

Female vote - Australia was the second country to give women the vote.

Crimes punishable by transportation to Australia included recommending that politicians get paid, starting a union, stealing fish from a river or pond, embezzlement, receiving or buying stolen goods, setting fire to underwood, petty theft, or being suspected of supporting Irish terrorism.

Bludger - Australians refer to lazy people as 'bludgers'. The word is derived from 'bludgeoner' which is a prostitute's standover man.

Moomba - The city of Melbourne has a cultural festival using the Aboriginal word Moomba. It seems the festival's initial organisers asked the local Aborigines to suggest a name, and were told that Moomba means 'lets get together and have fun.' The grateful organisers subsequently used the name.

In hindsight, the organisers really should have been suspicious that 'lets get together and have fun' could be expressed in two syllables. In reality, 'moom' means 'bum', 'buttocks', or 'anus', while the suffix 'ba' means 'in', 'at' or 'on'. So moomba actually means 'in the bum.'

Dropbears - Dropbears are an evil species of koala that fall from trees and attack humans.

Yowies- Like the North American big foot, the Yowie emits a vile odour and screams offensively. Numerous sightings of Yowies have turned out to be escaped mental patients or hermits.

Bunyips - Bunyips haunt rivers, swamps, creeks and billabongs. Their main goal in life is to cause nocturnal terror by eating people or animals in their vicinity. They are renowned for their terrifying bellowing cries in the night and have been known to frighten Aborigines to the point where they would not approach any water source where a Bunyip might be waiting to devour them. Some scientists believe the Bunyip was a real animal, the diprotodont, extinct for some 20,000 years.

Until next week, Hooroo.

Big Bad Al

Liquid Mountaineering

2011-03-31T18:47:00.006+10:00

Liquid Mountaineering

Liquid Mountaineering or walking on water is the latest hot sport. It's difficult to do, until you get the knack, kinda like the first couple of times you try to score in a singles bar. Watch the video first Here and then take a look at Here for the story behind it.

Copyright Police Want Truck Drivers To Have Licensed Cab Music

The Belgian music royalty collecting agency SABAM has once again stepped up to enforce their strict copyright regime. After collecting money for fake artists and forgetting to pay out to real ones, they are now targeting truck drivers who listen to music in their cabs without an appropriate license. Read More Here

First Person vodeo of a Mountain Bike Race in Urban Chile

The first person video of Mountain Bike Parkour in Chile will make you gasp and take your breath away, especially at 1:40 when he leaps across boards and when I was sure he'd crash as a dopey dog gets in the way. It's best viewed full-screen.

A game to keep you amused for hours: Filler

Do you have Penis Envy? Ladies, does your man measure up? Check this out and see how you rate. Penis Size Average Results by Country It is a Table (No Pictures) so it should be safe for work... unless you start measuring in your cubicle then you might have problems.

Enough time wasting. Now get back to work.

Big Bad Al

Take a Camel Shopping

2011-03-25T15:11:00.005+10:00

Take a Camel Shopping

Little known fact: Prices on Amazon -- as well as electronics distributors BestBuy and Newegg -- fluctuate. Like petrol, Amazon sees its products as commodities and sometimes you'll see a 5- to 44-percent price drop.

On the list of valuable shopping services is camelcamelcame l. Give it the items you're looking for on Amazon and it'll notify you by e-mail (or RSS) when a price dives below its current level.

And if you have an Amazon wish list, Camel will import and track it. You don't even need to register. Check here for links to Camel's store trackers, for such sites as Newegg, BestBuy, and Backcountry.

Time Wasters

Blueprint is simple (you've heard that before, and in this case, I'm lying). Move the assorted objects in such a way as to get the ball to hit the target.

Penguin takes a leap of faith: Here

Guilty or Not Guilty? Here

Do you have a cat? Have problems dating? This video might shed some light on the problem: Single White Feline. (Warning: Adult theme.)

Have a guess what these things are? Scarves? Door draft stoppers? Exercise equipment? Swimming pool floaties?" Find out by looking here.

OK You have wasted enough time now get back to work.

If you like the Time Wasters please comment and I'll make it a weekly post.

================

Just quick note on my Social Experiment. I received $140. A Big Thank You to all who contributed. It went towards paying for my monthly Medical bills.

Not quite the $14,000 that I mentioned in the post but to be honest I wasn't really expecting much. For a start I have a very small readership. I had only 35 page views for that post.

Once again Thank You to all.

Big Bad Al

Kudos to Telstra

2011-01-16T10:19:00.002+10:00

In my last post I wrote about a problem I was having with Telstra & Bigpond.

Yesterday I had excellent service from Telstra and I think it only fair that I tell you about it.

For the last four days I have been having trouble with my phone. I could not receive phone calls. I could make calls and my broadband (ADSL) was working and I had a mobile if anyone really wanted to call me.

I wasn't too fussed about it and did not report it immediately as I thought Telstra had enough problems with the Flooding around Queensland and particularly here in South East Queensland (SEQ).

So yesterday at about 9 am I went onto the Telstra website and submitted a fault report. Is was an easy painless process.

Within minutes I received a reply email asking to ring a number and talk to the operator, which I did and got straight through. She took further details of the fault and said a Techie would test the line and call me back on my mobile. Within 10 minutes I had a techie (James) call me. He ran a couple of tests and confirmed that it was a line fault and that the job had been logged. A Service Techie would be out by Noon Tuesday at the latest.

At 1:30 Saturday I received a visit from the service techie to say that the fault had been fixed and my phone was working again.

Problem solved in four hours.

Considering all the chaos around SEQ and it was a Saturday it was excellent service. I had been expecting a delay because of the floods and associated problems with getting telecommunications up and running again.

So Kudos to Telstra.

Big Bad Al

Living in a Post Apocalyptic World

2010-10-02T15:35:00.004+10:00

Just a little over two weeks ago I lost my Internet. "Gasp!" I hear you cry.

Let me tell you the tale of woe. My last bill from my Internet provider, I won't mention their name (*cough* Telstra *cough*), included a Dial Up charge. I had ditched Dial Up a couple of months ago when I finally decided to join the modern world and got Broadband.

So I rang the appropriate Billing Department to show them the error of their ways. The Help Desk guy agreed with me that Telstra... sorry, the unnamed ISP was trying to rip me off and said he would fix it. After a few minutes of Greensleeves musak, he returned and informed me that the dial-up had been canceled.

So back to to my internet I went, coincedently to pay my Internet bill, nada, zip, zilch, nothing. Dead as a Dodo (the bird not the ISP). I quickly ascertained that I had no access.

Back to the Help Desk I go, this time a pleasant young lady. She checked her steam driven intewebz device and informed me that the previous guy had canceled everything, not just the Dial-up. She informed me that she would put in a form to reactivate my Broadband. "Beauty" I said before she went on to inform me that it would take five working days to reactivate it and it being a Friday it won't be available until next Friday. "What?" I says, "It takes a Nanosecond to cancel it and 5 days to turn it back on?"

The young lady stated that that was the way it was and soothed my savage soul by telling me that I would get one month free Broadband access as compensation.

Arr well I could live for a week without the internet...

Which I did. I got in plenty of reading, and finished some odd jobs around the place and generally twiddled my thumbs. Not once did I miss the Internet. No, it was more than once, several times a day I would stop and think, "I wonder what the Burgers are up to?". Has someone sent me an important email, telling me I have inhereted a million Nigerian Dollars from a long lost deceased Uncle? Well I'll never know because I don't even have an email address any more.

So after a week of twiddling my thumbs I eagerly rang the Activation number to get my peddle powered interwebz up and running again. This time it was a nice Kiwi lady. After telling her my sad tale she checked her magical computing machine and... and... and... Nope. No record of a reactivation request in the system. More Greensleeves type musak while she double checked and consulted her supervisor.

Alas the paperwork did not make it into the system. In fact they could not even find the paperwork. Paperwork? Paperwork? In this age of technology and from the supposedly most advance technology company in Australia, we still have paperwork?

We'll have to start again and resubmit the form again and again it would be another five days before it can be activated. Using her best soothing voice to tame the savage beast she said that in the mean time I could have a temporary Dial-up service and another month of free broadband access. She said that it would take about 5 minutes to setup the dial-up.

So it takes about 5 minutes over the phone to setup dial-up, 5 days to setup ADSL and two weeks or more, depending if they have to come out and run a connection from the cable to your house, to setup a cable connection. It would seem that the better the technology the longer it takes to set up.

For the past week I have been using the Liberal Party High Speed Dial-up Coal Fired Internet. After having just got used to download speeds of 18 - 20 Megabits per second I was reduced to downloads of about 48 kilobits per second. It was painfully slow. So painfully slow.

I only popped into Tweet a couple of times. It would take 10 minutes to load any online news service or magazines. Forget about looking at anything like Youtube. You would think that having dial-up would stop the twitching but no. It only made me more anxious to get my broadband back.

I started to wonder if I was addicted to technology or was it just the fact that we now rely on it so much in our daily lives. I use the Internet to do my banking (I haven't been inside my bank for years). I pay my bills online. I can renew my Driving Licence and Car Registration and access other Government services online. I chat with friends and keep in contact with my sons. I listen to music, download and watch TV shows and movies. I buy items from online services in far flung places, usually at a cheaper price than I can get in the local retail outlets.

No it is not an addiction but a fact of modern day life that we use and need the internet and its spin offs in mobile technology.

Yesterday I got my Broadband back. The twitching has stopped and serenity has returned to the shack. I now know what it would be like to live in a post apocalyptic world. The only thing missing was the shuffling, blank staring, mindless hoard... except for me that is.

It is good to be back.

Big Bad Al

One man's Terrorist is another man's Freedom Fighter

2010-09-16T17:23:00.013+10:00

I was reading a blog by Moko The Anarchists Cookbook and the Terrorists Handbook, a couple of books that were floating around in the 1970s & 80s. More than a few young lads have suffered injuries because of the books.

It came to mind that Terrorism has always been with us.

In Australia we have been lucky in that we have had very few terrorist incidents. Mostly our home grown wannabe "terrorists" such as the Aussie Guard or Loyal Regiment of Australian Guardians as they called themselves were mostly piss and wind.

When it comes to terrorism most young people, those under 30 years, think that terrorism is a modern day phenomenon. Today's Terrorists are yesterdays Guerrillas, Freedom Fighters, Nationalists or Revolutionaries.

As a young lad and into my adulthood we were constantly reminded by media reports of terrorist activities; hijacking of aircraft, bombing of prominent buildings, guerrilla activity in Southeast Asia and assassinations of Heads of State and other important leaders.

Few countries in the world have not suffered from terrorist violence over the past six decades. Domestic and international terrorism is now at the top of the agenda for most nations.

These organisations usually had names like People's Front of Judea (not to be confused with the Judean People's Front). Although some were a bit more obscure.

Here are some of the groups that were around in the 1960s and 70s. Some such as the PLO are still around today.

Armenian Secret Army for the Liberation of Armenia (ASALA) (Orly Group, 3rd October Organization)

1975 - Armenian Secret Army for the Liberation of Armenia (ASALA) (a.k.a. the Orly Group, 3rd October Organization) formed as a Marxist-Leninist grouped to compel the Turkish Government to acknowledge publicly its alleged responsibility for the deaths of 1.5 million Armenians in 1915, pay reparations, and cede territory for an Armenian homeland.

Babbar Khalsa International

1978 - Babbar Khalsa a militant Sikh separatist group in India.

Democratic Front for the Liberation of Palestine (DFLP)

1969 - Popular Democratic Front for the Liberation of Palestine (PDFLP), a Marxist-Leninist organization, founded when it split from the PFLP. Opposed the Israel-PLO peace agreement. Goal is to achieve Palestinian national goals through revolution of the masses.

Egyptian Islamic Jihad (EIJ) (al-Jihad, Islamic Jihad, Jihad Group)

1970's - al-Jihad (a.k.a. Egyptian Islamic Jihad, Jihad Group, Islamic Jihad) formed to overthrow Egyptian government and replacement with an Islamic state; attacks U.S. and Israeli interests in Egypt and abroad. Responsible for assassination of Egyptian President Anwar Sadat.

Ejército Revolucionario del Pueblo (ERP) (People's Revolutionary Army)

1974 - Ejército Revolucionario del Pueblo (ERP)(People's Revolutionary Army) founded as the military branch of the Partido Revolucionario de los Trabajadores (Workers' Revolutionary Party) in Argentina.

Euzkadi Ta Askatasuna (ETA) (Basque Fatherland and Liberty)

1959 - Basque Fatherland and Liberty (ETA)(Euzkadi Ta Askatasuna) to establish an independent Basque homeland based on Marxist principles in the northern Spanish provinces of Vizcaya, Guipuzcoa, Alava and Navarra and the southwestern French departments of Labourd,Basse-Navarra and Soule.

Front de Libération du Québec (FLQ) (Quebec Liberation Front)

1963 - FLQ is founded. Their ultimate goal is to establish an independent Quebec nation, free from any ties to the rest of Canada, through violent activities.

al-Gama'a al-Islamiyya (Islamic Group, IG)

1970's - Formed with primary goal is to overthrow the Egyptian government and replace it with an Islamic state, but certain group leaders also may be interested in attacking U.S. and Israeli interests.

Irgun (Irgun Zvai Leumi, National Military Organization, Etzel)

1931 - Irgun Zvai Leumi (National Military Organization) a militant Zionist group that operated in the British Mandate of Palestine.

Irish Republican Army (IRA) (Provisional Irish Republican Army [PIRA], the Provos)

1968 - Irish Republican Army (IRA)(a.k.a. Provisional Irish Republican Army [PIRA], the Provos) formed as the clandestine armed wing of Sinn Fein, a legal political movement. Begins attacks to remove British forces from Northern Ireland and unify Ireland.

Japanese Red Army (JRA) (Anti-Imperialist International Brigade (AIIB), Nippon Sekigun, Nihon Sekigun, Holy War Brigade, and the Anti-War Democratic Front)

1970 - Japanese Red Army (JRA) breaks away from the Japanese Communist League, founded to overthrow the Japanese government and monarchy and to help foment world revolution.

Jemaah Islamiyah (Jemaah Islamiah, Islamic Group, Islamic Community)

1969 - Jemaah Islamiyah (Islamic Group or Islamic Community) created to establish an Islamic state encompassing Indonesia, Philippines, and Malaysia.

Khmer Rouge (The Party of Democratic Kampuchea)

1963 - The Party of Democratic Kampuchea "Khmer Rouge" begins communist insurgency aimed at overthrowing the Cambodian government.

Kurdistan Workers' Party (PKK) (Partiya Karkeren Kurdistan, Kadek, Kongra-Gel)

1978 - Kurdistan Workers' Party (PKK) established to form an independent Kurdish state in southeastern Turkey, where the population is predominantly Kurdish and improve rights for Kurds in Turkey.

Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE) (Tamil Tigers)

1976 - Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE) established to create an independent Tamil state.

Organisation de l'Armée Secrète (OAS) (Secret Army Organization)

1961 - Organisation de l'Armée Secrète (OAS)(Secret Army Organization) French right-wing terrorist group formed to resist the granting of independence to the French colony of Algeria formed by French "stay behinds", former French Army officers, Foreign Legion members from Indochina War, Colons, local Pieds Noirs.

Palestine Liberation Front (PLF)

1961 - Dec 1967 Original Palestinian Liberation Front was founded by Ahmad Jibril, but in Dec 1967 it merged with the Heroes of the Return group and The Youth of Revenge group (the military wing of the Arab Nationalist Movement -ANM) to form the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine (PFLP).

Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO)

1964 - Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO) founded.

Red Army Faction (RAF) (Rote Armee Faktion, Baader-Meinhof Gang)

1968 - Red Army Faction (Rote Armee Fraktion)(RAF) was born out of extra-parliamentarian protest movement against Vietnam war. It emerged from the "Baader-Meinhof Gang", founded by Andreas Baader and Ulrike Meinhof (f). Marxist-Maoist ideology and terrorist activities aimed at paralyzing and toppling the democratic order in West Germany.

Red Brigades (Brigate Rosse)

1970 - Marxist-Leninist group formed out of the student movements whose aim is to separate Italy from the Western Alliance.

Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia -People's Army (FARC-EP)

1964 - Fuerzas Armadas Revolucionarias de Colombia – Ejército del Pueblo Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia – People's Army)(FARC-EP) established as the military wing of the Colombian Communist Party to replace the current government with a Marxist regime.

Revolutionary Organization 17 November (17 November)

1973 - Formed as a radical leftist group, 17 November is described as anti-Greek establishment, anti-United States, anti-Turkey, anti-NATO, and committed to the ousting of U.S. bases, removal of Turkish military presence from Cyprus, and severing of Greece's ties to NATO and the European Union (EU).

Sendero Luminoso (Shining Path) Peru

1960's - Sendero Luminoso ("Shining Path") founded. Since 1980 has became one of the most ruthless terrorist groups in the Western Hemisphere — approximately 30,000 persons have died since SL took up arms.

Below is a selection of terrorist’s activity since the end of World War II:

October 31 1945

Jewish terrorist offensive against British rule in Palestine begins, with a wave of bomb attacks on police vehicles, railway sites and Haifa oil refinery. One policeman, one soldier and two railway workers killed.

July 22 1945

Ninety people killed and forty five wounded after Jewish terrorists blow up the King David Hotel in Jerusalem, Palestine, which was home to British government and military offices. The terrorists held workers at pistol point while they planted the explosives in the basement of the hotel.

January 30 1948

Indian independence leader and statesman Mahatma Gandhi shot dead in Dehli, India, by Nathuram Vinayak Godse.

November 1 1950

Puerto Rican nationalists attack Blair House in Washington DC, United States, in an unsuccessful attempt to assassinate US president Harry S Truman. One Secret Service agent and one terrorist killed.

October 6 1951

Sir Henry Gurney, British High Commissioner in Malaya, killed after his motorcade was ambushed by Communist guerillas. Thirteen British soldiers escorting Sir Henry were also killed in the attack. This leads to major shake up of British counter-insurgency operations against the Communists.

April 1 1955

Greek Cypriot EOKA terrorist campaign for independence begins with a series of bomb explosions around British controlled Cyprus.

August 20 1955

Several dozen French civilians killed in the Philipevelle area of Algiers, Algeria, by FLN guerrillas. French security forces stage retaliatory attacks on Algerian civilians.

February 23 1961

Cruise liner hijacked by Portuguese rebels, who take more than 550 passengers hostage. US and Brazilian warships intercept the ship and force the hijackers to surrender to the Brazilian authorities.

September 9 1961

Organisation Armee Secrete (Secret Army Organisation/OAS) terrorists protesting about French moves to give Algeria independence attempt to blow up French President Charles De Gaulle in Aube, France, but road side bomb fails to explode.

August 22 1962

OAS terrorists stage a machine gun attack on car carrying French President Charles de Gaulle in a Paris suburb. The president escaped the attack unhurt and the former French soldiers who carried out the attack were all later arrested. Further unsuccessful assassination attempts were made by the OAS on 1 and 15 March 1963. Five more assassination attempts on the president failed in 1964 and three attacks were made on him in 1965.

December 26 1968

One Israeli killed in Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine machine gun attack on El Al aircraft at Athens airport, Greece. Two terrorists were captured but later released by the Greek government after a Greek aircraft was hijacked to Beirut. Three days after the Athens attack Israeli commandos raid Beirut airport, Lebanon and blow up thirteen Arab airliners worth $43 million.

August 29 1969

TWA hijacked by Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine terrorists after taking off from Rome, Italy, led by Leila Khalid, and forced to fly to Damascus, Syria. All the passengers and crew were released unharmed but the terrorists exploded a bomb in the cockpit of the aircraft.

December 12 1969

Left wing anarchist terrorists kill sixteen and wound ninety when they blow up a bank in Milan, Italy. In July 1970, the same group de-rails a train near Rome, Italy, killing six and injuring one hundred.

February 21 1970

Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine blow up a Swiss airliner just after it has taken off from Zurich, Switzerland, killing all forty seven people on board.

May 14 1970

German left-wing terrorist leader Andreas Baader freed in rescue raid on West Berlin jail led by fellow terrorist Ulrike Meinhof. The two become notorious as leaders of the Baader-Meinhof gang.

October 10 1970

Quebec separatists kidnapped state government minister Pierre LaPorte and later murdered him. The same group kidnapped British trade commissioner James Cross but released him unharmed.

May 30 1972

Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine and Japanese Red Army terrorists open fire in passenger terminal of Lod Airport, Israel, killing twenty six civilians and wounding seventy eight others. Japanese terrorist Kozo Okamoto survives and is captured by the Israelis.

September 5 1972

Eight Palestinian Black September terrorists seize eleven Israeli athletes in the Olympic Village in Munich, Germany. In a bungled rescue attempt by the West German authorities nine of the hostages and five terrorists are killed.

August 4 1973

Twelve people killed and forty eight injured when neo-fascists explode bomb on a train approaching Bologna, Italy. In May another right wing bomb at a demonstration in Brescia killed eight people.

April 24 1975

German left wing terrorists seized the German embassy in Stockholm, Sweden, and took twelve staff hostage to force the release of Baader-Meinhof gang terrorists. One hostage was murdered and a terrorist killed when explosives went off by accident. Led to formulation of the so-called "Stockholm syndrome" theory, which holds that hostages start to sympathise with their captors.

June 27 1976

An Air France airliner is hijacked by a joint German Baader-Meinhof/Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine terrorist group and its crew are forced to fly to Entebbe airport in Uganda. Some two hundred and fifty eight passengers and crew are held hostage but all non-Israeli passengers are eventually released. On 4 July Israeli commandos fly to Uganda and rescue the remaining hostages. All the terrorists were killed in the rescue, as are three passengers and one commando.

March 11 1978

A nine strong Al Fatah Palestinian seaborne raiding party lands in Israel and hijacks a bus, killing twenty six civilians and wounding seventy. All the terrorists are killed by Israeli security forces. The Israelis retaliate by invading southern Lebanon, under codename Operation Litani.

November 4 1979

Iranian radicals seize the US Embassy in Tehran, taking sixty-six American diplomats hostage. The crisis continues until 20 January 1981 when the hostages are released by diplomatic means. A US rescue effort led by the Delta Force counter terrorist unit failed on 25 April 1980 when a Marine Corps CH-53 helicopter crashed into a USAF C-130 transport aircraft at forward refueling site in central Iran, killing eight Americans and injuring five.

November 20 1979

Two hundred Islamic terrorists seize Grand Mosque in Mecca, Saudi Arabia, taking hundred of pilgrims hostage. Saudi and French security forces retake the Islamic world's most holy shrine after a intense battle, in which some two hundred and fifty people were killed and six hundred wounded.

February 27 1980

Fifty four hostages seized by Colombian terrorists in the Dominican republic embassy in Bogota demanding the release of three hundred and eleven prisoners. Eventually the terrorists were give sanctuary in Cuba after they released the hostages.

April 30 1980

Six Iraqi-backed Iranians storm the Iranian Embassy in Princess Gate, London, taking twenty hostages. Six days later British Special Air Service anti-terrorist troops re-captured the embassy killing five of the terrorists and freeing the hostages. Two hostages were killed and two more wounded by the terrorists.

August 22 1982

Goldenberg restaurant attack in Paris, France, by the Action Directe terrorist group leaves six civilians dead.

July 23 1983

Eight people killed and fifty five injured when a suitcase bomb explodes near check in desk at Orly airport, Paris, France. Armenian terrorists are later arrested by French security forces for the attack.

June 5 1984

Sikh terrorists seize the Golden Temple in Amritsar, India; hundreds die after the holy shrine is retaken by Indian security forces.

August 2 1984

Tamil Tiger terrorists blow up Madras airport terminal, India, killing thirty people and injuring twenty four more. The bomb was intended to blow up a Sri Lankan airliner.

September 30 1985

Four Soviet diplomats kidnapped in Beirut, Lebanon by Islamic Liberation Organisation, which was thought to be a front for the Iranian backed Hezbollah. One of the Russians was killed but the other three were released unharmed after a relative of the terrorist group's leaders was kidnapped and killed by the Soviet KGB.

November 13 1985

Palace of Justice in Bogota, Colombia, seized by left wing M-19 terrorists and one hundred hostages taken, including a number of judges. All the terrorists and most of the hostages killed when the Colombian army stormed the building.

The above are just a fraction of terrorists incidents since 1945.

Terrorism has been with us since we crawled out of the caves. It will always be with us as long as there is someone or some group who disagree with an ideal, philosophy, religion or government and uses violent means to convince us that their way is the only way.

Big Bad Al

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

2010-09-12T23:26:00.008+10:00

A LOT of people with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome struggle to describe their condition or its symptoms. I don't have that problem.

It's a relatively simple equation, it just needs a bit of imagination. Think back to the worst hangover you've ever had.

The one when you get home at 4.30am, barely able to stand and then your alarm goes off seemingly before your head even hits the pillow to tell you the hardest working day of your life is about to begin.

Now take that hangover, delete the nausea, and turn the headache down from a Spinal Tap 10 to the irritating hum of a Level 5.

As you stagger from your bed to get dressed, imagine that the top layer of your ensemble for the day is a 20kg lead blanket that you will wear like a shawl over the back of your neck, top of your shoulders and top of your back.

Now imagine yourself with no sleep, slouching under the weight of the blanket walking 10km to work, to ensure that you are completely out of energy, with a list of 40 names and 40 phone numbers that you are to memorise by the time you get there.

Fast-forward to 3pm, when you are praying to a merciful God for just five minutes of sleep as the weight of the lead blanket feels like it is collapsing your lungs, you recall about six digits from the 40 phone numbers and none of the names and your boss isn't happy about it.

You ache all over and the last three grams of your energy are being used to stop yourself from grabbing something sharp and plunging it into the chest of the 55th person who has got on your nerves that day.

Take that mental image of yourself at 3.05pm on the worst day of your life, and imagine how you feel, physically and mentally. Welcome to the wonderful world of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

The good news is, with CFS, you don't have to wait until 3.05pm to feel this way.

When you have it, this is how you wake up every day, whether you have had eight, nine, ten or two hours' sleep.

Everything you do in your daily life is now a major event, and takes massive amounts of effort and energy that you just don't have to give.

Summoning the energy to swing your legs over the edge of the bed and stand up? It may as well be the a Marathon.

Even holding a conversation, without your mind wandering off and your eyes glazing over to make it seem like you don't care - even when you do - takes immense concentration on every word. By the end of the chat, you are physically drained.

Even finding out you have Chronic Fatigue is exhausting.

Doctors have no way of actually testing for it, so they test for everything else first, and rule them out one by one.

You're depressed, take these drugs. You have iron deficiency, take these pills. You have a brain tumour, have this scan. You need more/less red meat, water, caffeine, exercise, stress, alcohol, sleep.

When they finally decide it's Chronic Fatigue, they tell you there is no cure and you'll just have to wait it out, anywhere between six months and 12 years.

Big Bad Al

Waiting Waiting Waiting

It's About Time

2010-08-01T02:23:00.007+10:00

Well it is about time I wrote something. It has been a long time since I wrote anything here. September 2009 in fact.

So what has happened over the last 12 months?

Let's start with the biggie. The cancer has persisted. I've had two operations to remove more of the cancer, one at the end of September 2009 and another one in May 2010. That make it 23 operations in nearly 6 years. The type of cancer that I have is classed as aggressive and can spread to other areas of the body but so far is recurring in one area only. Since May there are no indications that the cancer has returned. So I am in what the medical people call Surveillance mode. That consists of regular tests and Surveillance Operations. A Surveillance Operation is where they shove a camera in me and have a look at suspect areas to visually check for any cancer. My next Surveillance Operation is scheduled for November. They usually do this for 5 years before they will say that I am cancer free.

Nothing is so simple for me. There are other ailments and side effects that I am dealing with at the same time.

Lets go back to the beginning. For most of my life I have been pretty fit. I spent a good part of my adult life in the Army and I played Rugby Union at a Club level until I was 42. Until August 2006 I would run for an hour or two on most days. I also ran in local half marathons mostly for fun, if you can call running long distances without being chased by a bear fun.

It was on one of my runs that I injured my ankle. Nothing too damaging. No broken bones or torn tissue. Just a good old twisted ankle type injury or so I thought. The swelling would not go down and got worse as the swelling progressed up my leg and The GP (Doctor) I was seeing at the time kept saying it was just swelling from the injury. When my leg turned a lovely shade of purple I consulted a second GP.

Things happened very quickly after that. The new GP diagnosed Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT) and immediately sent me for Scans. The Consultant told me that I had extensive blood clots from the ankle to above the groin and I was admitted to hospital and a DVT Specialists consulted. All within two hours of going to the GP. After some CT Scans and a bit of poking and prodding and blood letting there was several conditions diagnosed as well as the DVT. Firstly it was found that I had Diabetes. One of the effects of Diabetes is low blood flow to the legs. Secondly there was an indication that I had cancer.

I was immediately put on anti-coagulants to stop any further clots forming. The biggest danger with DVT is blood clots moving and lodging in the lungs (Pulmonary Embolisms), the heart (causing a Heart attack) or the brain (causing a stroke) any one of which can be fatal and can happen very quickly.

Things sort of settled down and I was discharged from Hospital with meds to control the diabetes and hi-dose anti-coagulant injections and meds to prevent further progression of the DVT and appointments for more prodding and poking and extraction of bodily fluids.

Several months later whilst I was in hospital for some tests, two clots moved and lodged in my lungs. The Consultant suggested that I go on a new experimental injections that will dissolve the clots. Usually DVT is treated with anti-coagulants and the clots allowed to dissolve naturally. One of the side effects of the treatment is that the blood has very little clotting ability and if the dose is too high spontaneous bleeding can occur or if you injure or cut yourself you continue to bleed and need to get injections to stop the bleeding. I had a very bad reaction to the new drug and started bleeding out. I don't recall any of this as I went into a coma and was in ICU for 10 days.

They tell me that I bled out about 12 litres of blood and was given 24 units of blood. They actually ran out of my blood type and had to resort to using any type they could get their hands on. Also the drug that was needed to counteract the experimental drug and the bleeding was at the Prince Charles Hospital in Brisbane and there was only 7 injections available so the Rescue Chopper was used to fly in the injections and blood supplies. My relatives were also told that I would not last the night... Twice over the 10 days. There was a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth apparently.

But I lived to tell the tale and after a further 5 days in a Critical Care Unit I was allowed to go home.

Anyway to cut a long story short, they found I had cancer. I have had several operations to remove the cancer (it keeps recurring) and three Chemo sessions over the last few years and put on lots of drugs to keep me ticking over. I also have lots of poking & prodding and blood letting on a regular basis.

So my position at the moment is that I have cancer, DVT which will require treatment for the rest of my life, Diabetes, a dodgy right lung, dodgy legs, dodgy brain, Sleep Apnea, Insomnia and (as a result of all the stress my body has been through) Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Because of the trauma I have been through and the meds my short term memory is shot to hell and my immune system is not 100 percent. I am getting treatment for everything and I take about 24 plus Tablets and 2 injections a day. The Doctors tell me it could be another 2 - 5 years before I am anywhere near normal again. I wake up each morning with aches and pain and usually headaches. It is just a matter of the intensity that varies so I classify my days as "Bad" and "Not Too Bad".

All of this really plays on the mind and I often wish that one day I could wake up without pain and be able to function as a normal Human Being.

Also my eldest son is getting married in October in New Zealand and I can't go because the Doctors won't give me clearance. Although my son and his lovely lady say they understand I feel that I should be there but circumstances and logic say otherwise.

To top it all off this week a very good friend of mine, one of the few from my previous life that still stayed in touch and visited me on occasions, died on Monday. It was a heart attack and he was only two years younger than I am. Fit as a Malley Bull he was.

I have not been feeling the best this week as well. So it has been a real downer of a week.

Some of you may have noticed that I have shut down my Twitter account. That was a bit of a Dummy Spit. There are a couple of people that at times really get up my nose and I was going to do a rant but I decided that a strategic withdrawal was a better option. I am usually a pretty easy going type of fellow but some of my views on Life, The Universe and everything in it would upset a lot of people so I usually keep my opinions to myself. Less hassles that way.

I spent a few hours yesterday down on the beach, in the rain, contemplating my navel and have decided shit happens and to poke life in the eye and get on with my life as best as I can. I'd use my poking stick but someone stole it and I haven't found a replacement yet.

Since I shut down Twitter I have had emails and messages from most of you saying "DON'T DO IT AL. WE WILL MISS YOU". (Awwww... It's nice to be wanted.) So bowing to public pressure I shall return to twitter in the coming days.

So that is the state of play to date. It was only a short hissy fit and the new improved Al shall return. I shall also be doing more with this blog, as that seems to be a popular demand also. Might even redesign it.

I hope I don't disappoint.

Big Bad Al
Benevolent President for Life
People's Republic of Redcliffestan

The sea was cleared without a fight!

2009-09-06T14:21:00.005+10:00

One of the oldest documents (inscription on a clay tablet) describing Pirates dates back to Pharaoh Akhenaten (1353 BC-1336 BC). The report mentions notorious free lance Mediterranean shipping attacks in North Africa.

Greek merchants who were trading with ports in Phoenicia and Anatolia occasionally allude casually to piracy, a classic by-product of such trading activity. There is epigraphic evidence for piracy as well. In the 340s BC Athens honoured Cleomenes, tyrant of Methymna on Lesbos, for ransoming a number of Athenians captured by pirates.

The Aethiopica, one of the ancient Greek novels by Heliodorus of Emesa (3rd century AD) tells the story of an Ethiopian princess and a Thessalian prince who undergo a series of perils (battles, voyages, piracy, abductions, robbery, and torture) before their eventual happy marriage in the heroine's homeland.

Polycrates (Greek tyrant) seized control of the city of Samos during a celebration of a festival of Hera outside the city walls. After eliminating his two brothers, who had at first shared his power, he established despotism, and ships from his 100-vessel fleet committed acts of piracy that made him notorious throughout Greece.

The history of piracy dates back more than 3000 years, but its accurate account depends on the actual meaning of the word ‘pirate’.

In English, the word piracy has many different meanings and its usage is still relatively new. It appears that the word pirate (peirato) was first used in about 140 BC by the Roman historian Polybius. The Greek historian Plutarch of Chaeronea, writing in about 100 A.D., gave the oldest clear definition of piracy. He described pirates as those who attack without legal authority not only ships, but also maritime cities. Piracy was described in Homer's The Iliad and The Odyssey.

For a great many years there remained no unambiguous definition of piracy. Norse raiders of the 9th and 11th century AD were not considered pirates but rather, were called "Danes" or "Vikings". Another popular meaning of the word in medieval England was "sea thieves". The meaning of the word pirate most closely tied to the contemporary was established in the 18th century AD. This definition dubbed pirates "outlaws" whom even persons who were not soldiers could kill. The first application of international law actually involved anti-pirate legislation. This is due to the fact that most pirate acts were committed outside the borders of any country.

Sometimes governments gave rights to the pirates to represent them in their wars. The most popular form was to give a license to a private sailor to attack enemy shipping on behalf of a specific king – Privateer. Very often a privateer when caught by the enemy was tried as an outlaw notwithstanding the license.

The most notorious of the medieval pirates were Vikings. Viking was the name of the Nordic people, Danes, Swedes and Norwegians, who explored abroad during a period of dynamic Scandinavian expansion from about AD 800 to 1100.

The first recorded Viking raid was a sea borne assault in 793 by Vikings on the Holy Island of Lindisfarne, off the northeast coast of England. Growing evidence indicates that considerable overseas Viking migration occurred long before then. Vikings went deep into the Russian hinterland, founding city-states and opening the way to Constantinople (Istanbul). Vikings also fought the Carolingian Empire until in 911 they accepted by treaty the area of Normandy in northern France and settled there.

In the 11th century Vikings briefly established a Scandinavian empire of the North Sea, composed of England, Denmark, and Norway.

Piracy was also the problem in the Far East.

With the decline of central authority in China toward the end of the 13th century, piracy began to increase along the China coast. Using ships large enough to carry 300 men, the pirates would land and sometimes plunder whole villages.

For instance during the 1550s pirate fleets looted the Shanghai-Ning-po region almost annually, sometimes sending raiding parties far inland to terrorize cities and villages throughout the whole Yangtze Delta. Although coastal raiding was not totally suppressed, it was brought under control in the 1560s.

Wako pirates operated in Japan's civil wars during the early part of this period. When denied trading privileges, the Japanese were quick to resort to violence to ensure their profits. By the 14th century, piracy had reached serious proportions in Korean waters. It gradually declined after 1443, when the Koreans made a treaty with various Japanese feudal leaders, permitting the entry of 50 Japanese trade ships a year, a number that was gradually increased.

Originally mainly Japanese, in later times the pirates were of mixed origin; by the early 16th century, the majority of them were probably Chinese. Basing themselves on islands off the Chinese coast, the pirates eventually made their main headquarters on the island of Taiwan, where they remained for over a century.

Roman Pirates

The piracy threat in the Mediterranean which came to a head in the decade of the 60's BC was in part due to Rome's complacency about the issue. Rather than stamping out small pockets of pirates early on, they allowed piracy to flourish into a large force of marauders. A poor economy and oppressive social conditions also fed the pirate forces as men who were on the verge of bankruptcy discovered more profit as robbers and pillagers. Rome was unwilling to act conclusively toward the reduction of pirate forces because those forces provided slaves for the large luxury markets. The pirates did not attack Rome as an enemy, but treated all targets equally, as opportunities for profit.

As a result piracy became rampant in the eastern Mediterranean (the young Julius Caesar was captured by pirates). During the next century Roman senators did not find the political will to suppress the piracy, perhaps in part because it served their interests; pirates supplied tens of thousands of slaves for their Roman estates and disrupted the grain trade, thus raising prices for their produce.

Although the pirates ranged over much of the navigable Mediterranean, they concentrated their raids on major shipping lanes. Upon these lanes goods were transported between the far western provinces of Spain and Africa and Rome and the eastern provinces including Macedonia, Greece, Syria and Egypt. The preferred area to set up a base or home port, was on the coast of present day Turkey, in an area known as Cicilia Tracheia. This area afforded great protection for the pirates. The coastline was complicated and full of twists and turns and hidden ports.

As Roman influence rose the influence of the native powers, such as Seleucid, Syria and Rhodes, declined. These were the people who patrolled coastal waters and controlled pirate populations. As their power was replaced by that of the Romans, their patrols were not, and the pirates grew unchecked. With Rome reluctant to crack down on the pirates Mediterranean cities began to form alliances with the pirates to avoid being plundered and terrorized since they received little protection from Rome. Many port cities provided their services and facilities to the pirates, while others paid tribute as if they were conquered. In effect, these cities became centres of piracy.

Interestingly there was a Piracy Law during Roman Times. An inscription found at Delphi is a 100BC document that set the rules for dealing with pirates. The law stated that Roman citizens should be able to "conduct, without peril, whatever business they desire," presumably wherever they desire. A copy of the law was to be sent by messengers of Rhodes to the Kings of Cyprus, Alexandria, Egypt, Cyrene, and Syria informing them that no pirate is to "use the kingdom, land, or territory of any Roman ally as a base of operation. No official or garrison will harbour pirates and should be considered zealous collaborators for the safety of all ".

Another inscription found at Knidos seems to be either an extension or a lost portion of the Delphi text. This text states that the Kings of Syria, Alexandria, Egypt, Cyrene and Cyprus were to prevent the harbouring of pirates. There was even a fine of 200,000 Sestertii for non compliance with the law. This law gave Rome the basis for prosecution of pirates.

According to Roman writer Plutarch in 102BC, Marcus Antonius (Mark Anthony) was given a command to reduce the pirates. It seemed to be more an effort to reduce capture of Romans and provincials by pirates primarily by making a deal with a certain pirate known as Nicomedes . Between the years of 77BC and 75BC, Servilius, a Roman commander, was sent to assist the allies of the Roman province Lycia in another attempt by Rome to curtail pirate activity. However he did not do much damage to the hard core pirates in the area of Cilicia Tracheia because little evidence has been found to support him even entering the waters off that coast (Roman writer Ormerod). In 74BC preparations were made for an all-out assault on the Cilician coast under the command of Marcus Antonius. These were abandoned with the coming of the third Mithridates War (according to Plutarch).

The number of pirates grew substantially during the wars created by Mithridates. While Mithridates was fighting on land, his navy and the pirates under his influence roamed the sea, plundering and pillaging. During his first war against Rome, Mithridates assisted the pirates by providing materials and expertise to begin coastal raiding. After the conclusion of the conflict, Mithridates' influence with the pirates declined, but the pirate menace continued. However, Mithradates surfaced twice more, and each time was closely allied with pirate forces. By the third war, the pirates were organized more like regular fleets, and less like bands of robbers. During that time, the pirates captured Lassus, Samos, Clazomenae, and Samothrace. They even plundered the temple at Samothrace and received the equivalent of 1000 talents.

Roman historian Appian suggests that the oppressive conditions set up by Rome's constant warfare prompted many to renounce their hopeless lives and join the pirate forces. Thus pirates gained detailed knowledge of many ports and coastlines, providing a wider range of profitable raids. The pirates had become quite brash by this point, owning garrisons and supply depots manned by "fine crews and expert pilots" (Plutarch).

During the turbulent 70's, the Romans were engaged in various civil wars. While the Romans were thus employed, pirates grew bolder still, leaving the water they knew so well and venturing onto land, raiding islands and coastal cites. They marched up Roman roads and captured those they encountered. These included the two Praetors Sextilius and Bellinus with their Lictors and servants on the Appian Way (Plutarch). A ransom was demanded (and delivered) for the return of the daughter of Marcus Antonius. This was the very same Antonius who led the first campaign against the pirates (Cicero).

Julius Caesar too, was captured by the pirates near the island of Pharmcusa shortly after escaping from Sulla's soldiers in 75BC. For some reason, the pirates took a liking to Caesar and instead of executing him for his insolence, they tolerated his posturing. When the pirates set a ransom of 20 talents, Caesar scoffed them and set it at 50, claiming he was worth more. During the month and a half he was detained, Caesar joined the pirates in their revels. He wrote poetry and presented it to the pirates. If they didn't respond properly, he would chastise them. When he wanted to sleep, he ordered them to be quiet. Indeed, he hardly seemed a prisoner. He even joked that he would come back and kill them all. After his release, Caesar took ships from the harbour of Moletus, and captured those pirates as they lay on the beach. Caesar didn't agree with Junius, Governor of Asia, as to the fate of those pirates and therefore went off and did as he wished. He crucified the lot, although Ormerod says Caesar first slit their throats in an apparent act of mercy (Plutarch).

Men of "wealth and good family," in the words of Plutarch, who joined the pirate forces as "soldiers of fortune" gained a reputation of glory and wealth. Ships with gilded sails, purple draping and silvered oars became the mark of the pirate ship as their standard of living rose.

Plutarch's Life of Crassus describes an event whereby the pirates managed to help the Romans and profit at the same time. The slave uprising leader Spartacus booked passage for himself and 2,000 of his troops with pirates to the island of Sicily, where he planned to lead a slave revolt. According to Plutarch after being paid, or "receiving gifts" the pirates skipped town and no doubt celebrated their deception.

The supremacy of Rome was threatened by "drunken revels and flute playing" of the pirates (Plutarch). The pirates were so prevalent that trade throughout the Mediterranean was virtually halted. With 1,000 ships in service, the pirates captured or raided 400 cities.

Finally Rome had to do something. The Roman commander Pompey was given the task to get rid of the pirates. All allies were compelled to submit to his authority. He was given twenty-four Proprietors and the authority to raise 120,000 troops, 4,000 cavalry, commission 270 ships, and had 6,000 talents at his disposal. Pompey devised an excellent plan to squash the pirate threat. He set up thirteen districts designed to isolate the various segments of the pirate population. The Praetor, or commander, of each district was responsible for the reduction of pirates in his own district. In forty days, according to Appian, Pompey swept through the western blocks and headed to the eastern waters. His name and reputation travelled faster though, and the pirates became terrified. They quickly ceased their pillaging and fled to their garrisons. The thirteen Praetors were easily able to subdue their regions. Pompey chased the die-hards to their large strongholds of Cragus and Anticragus. Appian reports that most pirates surrendered quickly; lending credence to the slogan "the sea was cleared without a fight". Pompey completely eliminated the pirate threat in a mere three months.

This ends the Pirate Series. I trust you have enjoyed them.

You may now sally forth and plunder your local waterways with impunity and full of Pirate knowledge.

Talk Like a Pirate Day - 19 September 2009

Subsisto bonus quod exsisto pius ut invicem.

Privateers - Sub-contracted Navy or Pirates?

2009-08-16T21:15:00.003+10:00

A Privateer was an armed ship under papers to a government or a company to perform specific tasks. The men who sailed on a privateer were called privateers. The papers were usually referred to as Letters of Marque. Some times these letters would give the captain rights to act in the behalf of a certain company or government to commit acts of reprisal, escort merchants, or protect coastal areas or property. Often the limits of the Marque were vague, leaving it up to the captain and crew to determine what they could take or attack. Sometimes the privateers ignored the Marque and just did what they pleased. Most of the time, Privateers were engaged of act of reprisals against other nations, that is engaged in acts of war. A key distinction between a Merchant and Privateer, is the privateer was not paid by the nation or company but paid by taking spoils from ships or properties they attacked or fought off.

Depending on the attitude of the government, this was sometimes actually appreciated, especially when the privateers' actions were against a foreign nation that was not on good terms with the hosting nation. During times of war, some governments would commission privateers to seek out and attack the ships of hostile nations. This was especially true of England. In this case, the Privateers would sail "on the account". That is they would loot, pillage, and plunder England's enemies for King and Country. For their efforts the Captain and crew would receive a portion of the plunder, between 1/5 and 1/2 with the rest going to the Crown. In return the Captain and crew had safe harbour and was protected by England. Henry Morgan was a privateer.

Privateers often worked beyond the limits as detailed by their letter of Marque, often attacking neutral countries as well as hostile nations. Rarely would privateers attack their own country's ships. This would have been an act of high treason.

Countries would often complain about the actions of privateers but most of the time England would ignore the complaints unless they were in the middle of delicate negotiations, in which case the head of a privateer would be offered up as a small payment for what could be a large and generous reward.

Most importantly, the famous "Articles of Piracy" often did not apply to a ship of privateers. Often the ship belonged to a company, government or private owner. The owner of the ship would be the captain or the government or company would commission a captain by Letter of Marque. The Captain would then raise a crew of volunteer and the crew would be arranged along the lines similar to the navy of the nation served by the Captain. Typically a privateer would sign up for a mission and was free to go or stay after that mission was over.

Often privateers were simple merchant marines who were engaged in acts of war for profit. Other time they were hired mercenaries. Privateers, unlike pirates were quite open about what they did and were typically considered heroes by their host nations.

In the late 16th century, English privateers such as Sir John Hawkins and Sir Francis Drake were encouraged or restrained, according to prevailing political conditions. With the growth of a regular navy, however, the British Admiralty began to discourage privateering because it was more popular among sailors than was serving in the navy. At this same period, Dutch Sea Beggars and French Huguenot privateers were active. Throughout the 17th century, English buccaneers in the West Indies, such as Sir Henry Morgan, sometimes sailed as genuine privateers. From 1690, French privateers from Dunkerque and Saint-Malo were particularly active against English commerce. France used many privateers during the French revolutionary and Napoleonic wars.

The Federal Ship Morris boarding the Confederate Privateer Benjamin Adams

During the American Revolution the American colonists found it difficult to form a new navy because more than 1,000 privateers were already licensed. Captain John Paul Jones, father of the U.S. Navy and revolutionary war hero was a privateer. The popularity of privateering continued in the War of 1812 between Great Britain and the United States when, for example, the U.S. brig Yankee alone seized or destroyed $5,000,000 worth of English property.

In 1856, by the Declaration of Paris, Great Britain and the other major European countries (except Spain) declared privateering illegal. The U.S. government refused to accede, holding that the small size of its navy made reliance on privateering necessary in time of war. The rise of the American navy at the end of the 19th century and the realization that privateering belonged to an earlier form of warfare prompted the United States to recognize the necessity of finally abolishing it. Spain agreed to the ban in 1908.

At the Hague Peace Conference of 1907 it was then stipulated, and has since become part of international law, that armed merchant ships must be listed as warships, though there have been various interpretations of the word armed. The ambiguous status of the privateer has thus ceased to exist. The state now assumes full responsibility for all converted ships engaged in military operations.

The English privateer and author William Dampier (1652-1715) explored the Western Australian coastline and stimulated interest in the Pacific through popular travel books.

William Dampier (born August 1651, East Coker, Somerset, England — died March 1715, London) was an English buccaneer, sea captain, author and scientific observer. He was the first Englishman to explore or map parts of New Holland (Australia) and New Guinea. He was the first person to circumnavigate the world three times.

In 1678 he crewed with buccaneers on the Spanish Main of Central America, twice visiting the Bay of Campeche. This led to his first circumnavigation: in 1679 he accompanied a raid across the Isthmus of Darién in Panama and captured Spanish ships on the Pacific coast of that isthmus; the pirates then raided Spanish settlements in Peru before returning to the Caribbean.

Dampier made his way to Virginia, where in 1683 he engaged with the privateer John Cooke. Cooke entered the Pacific via Cape Horn and spent a year raiding Spanish possessions in Peru, the Galápagos Islands, and Mexico. This expedition collected buccaneers and ships as it went along, at one time having a fleet of ten vessels. In Mexico Cooke died, and a new leader, Captain Edward Davis, was elected captain by the crew. Dampier transferred to Captain Charles Swan's ship, the privateer Cygnet, and on 31 March 1686 they set out across the Pacific to raid the East Indies, calling at Guam and Mindanao. Leaving Swan and 36 others behind, the rest of the privateers sailed to Manila, Poulo Condor, China, the Spice Islands, and New Holland (Australia).

Early in 1688 Cygnet was beached on the northwest coast of Australia, near King Sound. While the ship was being careened Dampier made notes on the fauna and flora and the Indigenous peoples he found there. Later that year he and two shipmates were marooned on one of the Nicobar Islands. They obtained a small canoe which they modified after first capsizing and then after surviving a great storm called at "Acheen" (Aceh) in Sumatra. After further adventures Dampier returned to England in 1691 via the Cape of Good Hope, penniless but in possession of his journals. He also had as a source of income the famous painted (tattooed) Prince Jeoly and his mother who he had purchased as slaves and subsequently exhibited in London, thereby also coming to be better known while his book was being printed.

The publication of these journals as New Voyage Round the World in 1697 was a popular sensation creating interest at the British Admiralty and in 1699 Dampier was given the command of the Roebuck with a commission from the Admiralty and by inference King William III and Queen Mary II, who reigned jointly. His mission was to explore the east coast of New Holland, the name given by the Dutch to what is now Australia, and Dampier's intention was to travel there via Cape Horn.

He wrote an account of the 1699–1701 expedition, A Voyage to New Holland and returned to privateering.

The War of the Spanish Succession broke out in 1701 and English privateers were being readied to assist against French and Spanish interests. Dampier was appointed commander of the 26-gun government ship St George, with a crew of 120 men. They were joined by the 16-gun galleon Cinque Ports (63 men) and sailed on 30 April 1703.

Dampier was engaged in 1708 by the privateer Woodes Rogers as Sailing Master on the Duke. This voyage was successful and the expedition amassed nearly £200,000 (over £20,000,000 in 2009) of profit. However, Dampier died in London in 1715 before he received his share.

More interesting and exciting Pirate Tales in the next Post.

Until then: Keep you powder dry and your whistle wet.

Did Pirates Really Say "Arrrr!"?

2009-07-31T14:36:00.003+10:00

Pack your cutlass and blunderbuss--it's time to go a-pirating!

Did pirates really say "arrrrr"?

Both that phrase and the accent that goes with it are strictly Hollywood. The pirate phrase "Arrrgh" appeared in film as early as 1934; a character also uses the phrase in a 1940 novel by Jeffrey Farnol. But the phrase and accent were popularised by Robert Newton, the actor who played Long John Silver in the movies and on TV through much of the 1950s. Newton was from Dorset, in southwest England, and the regional accent he brought to the movies included a rolled "r."

Though Dorset may well have produced its share of sailors, they were hardly the only pirates out there; many seamen and especially those on pirate vessels were people who struck out from oppressed nations, like Scotland and Ireland, to start over on the high seas.

So, was there a typical pirate accent at all? Among British pirates, yes: The onboard speech was most likely that of the British sailor with extra curse words, augmented with a polyglot slang of French, Italian, Spanish and Dutch picked up around the trade routes.

"Arrrrr" is mostly fiction, as are a number of the other affiliated signifiers: People very rarely walked the plank and nobody has ever discovered an actual pirate treasure map. On the myth-confirming side, pirates were known to dress in loose clothing, guzzle rum and chase busty wenches through Caribbean ports.

Myth: Pirates were bloodthirsty fiends who never turned down an opportunity to battle.

Pirates were reluctant to engage in a fight. Pirates were businessmen; they were in it for the money. And battling targets could be expensive. Battle could injure or kill pirate crew members, damage the pirate ship, or damage the prospective prize. Because of this, pirates much preferred to take their victims without conflict, which they overwhelming did. To encourage merchantmen’s peaceful surrender, pirates promised to slaughter those that resisted them and “give quarter” to those that complied.

Myth: Pirate ships were portraits of chaos.

Pirate ships were orderly, according to some, more orderly than many merchantmen or ships of the Royal Navy. Pirates required “law and order” to prevent their criminal enterprise from collapsing. So, they had pirate codes, ship-board articles that laid down rules and provided punishments for disobeying them. These rules prohibited violence and theft among sea bandits. On some ships they prohibited gambling, restricted drinking, and even regulated smoking.

Myth: Pirate captains were tyrants who ruled their men with an iron fist.

Pirates democratically elected their captains, who depended on crew member approval for their positions of power. On merchant ships, captains wielded autocratic authority, which some abused for personal benefit. To prevent this on pirate ships, pirates developed a system of democratic checks and balances for their leadership. If a pirate captain stepped out of line, his men could (and did) democratically depose him from office. Pirates further checked their captains’ authority by separating power. They elected another officer, the quartermaster, who helped balance the captain’s command.

Myth: Pirates buried their treasure.

Pirates spent their loot, almost as fast as they made it. There were two things pirates liked to spend money on most: whores and booze. Enterprising entrepreneurs supplying these goods and services set up shop in or around places pirates frequented, such as Port Royal, Jamaica, Nassau in the Bahamas, and even Madagascar, rapidly relieving pirates of their hard-earned loot.

Myth: Pirates made their prisoners walk the plank.

Pirates did brutally torture some prisoners; but they didn’t do so indiscriminately, and none of their tortures were as kind or as quick as walking the plank. Pirates predominantly reserved torture for when it could benefit them, such as to punish prisoners who held back booty. The threat of a truly horrible punishment for hiding valuables encouraged prisoners to reveal their valuables to their pirate captors. But pirates couldn’t afford to mistreat prisoners wantonly. If prisoners came to expect mistreatment whether they hid valuables from pirates or not, they would no longer have had a reason to relinquish their valuables, undermining pirates’ purpose.

Myth: The Eye Patch

Many a pirate has been depicted with the now characteristic eye patch, hook, or pegged leg, but how much of this is fact? Obviously, piracy was a dangerous occupation. Flying splinters, explosive gasses from cannons and muskets, and any number of diseases could mean the loss of an eye. Prosthetic eyes made from shell were uncomfortable and expensive, so most sufferers simply covered the missing or damaged eye with a patch. It was cheap, comfortable, and practical. Contrary to some myths, pirates probably did not wear eye patches as a means of preserving their night vision. Not only that, but having only one eye created a huge disadvantage for the wounded pirate, making him a liability to the rest of the crew.

Myth: Pirate Hooks

It’s true that quite a few pirates lost a hand in battle, and it was not uncommon for a pirate to search for a useful substitute, which would be handy around the ship. A hook was relatively easy to construct from onboard ship materials, so it is highly probable (not certain) that in some cases it was used as a temporary or permanent prosthetic hand. A hook could be easily constructed from a wooden bowl placed over the stump with a hook fashioned from extra ship metal by the blacksmith. This combination could be strapped to the arm with some leather.

Myth: Peg Legs

This myth probably originated with the character Long John Silver from the story Treasure Island. The character does not a use a peg leg in the story; his use of crutches has been misrepresented and through time and Hollywood productions this pirate legend was formed. In real life, however, this stereotype holds a good deal of truth; although its use is exaggerated in the minds of many people.

If a pirate were injured in the leg, amputation would in most cases be the only option to save him. If the pirate crew were educated enough, they would call upon the cook to cut the injured limb off (to prevent Gangrene or infection). Doctors were uncommon aboard pirate ships, so often the ship’s cook would be called upon in the case of amputation. However, such crude operations were seldom successful, as the inexperienced "surgeon" could not stop the bleeding which followed. Although much less likely, the pirate might also die from infection. If the operation was successful a substitute was later required for the missing leg, which was usually any free material on the ship, a long piece of wood, for instance.

Myth: Parrots

Yet another myth from the story Treasure Island. There is a deal of controversy on this subject as many people suspect that pirates were much too practical to deal with pets. A parrot permanently stationed on the shoulder of a pirate would regularly generate a mess. As well, a parrot might get in the way of work, or be consumed during hard times at sea. So it is highly unlikely that having a parrot, or any pet for that matter, was too popular with pirates.

Buried Treasure

Most experts on piracy tend to argue that maps to buried treasure are a work of fiction. They also believe that pirate would not have buried treasure on deserted islands. There are two sound reasons for not believing in buried treasure.

There has never been a legitimate treasure map found and
Pirates tended to spend all their money as soon as they hit port and would return to pirating in order to raise more money.

Probably the most famous treasure map is that of Captain Flint, the fictional pirate in Stevenson's Treasure Island. Almost every famous pirate captain has a legend about a treasure map to his secret stash of booty. Blackbeard and Black Bart both have several legends about buried treasure.

With that said, the romantic in me says that buried treasure may indeed exist. Some pirates managed to sack and pillage great amounts of gold and silver. I can't imagine a pirate with 10,000 pieces of eight to carry it with him everywhere he went. Where is he going to put the money?

Would he put it in a Bank? Probably not.

Would he trust his ship mates to watch it for him when he went to a tavern? Probably not.

Would he find a place to hide it? Yeah, probably.

So maybe somewhere on some spit of land, or hidden in a grave yard, or perhaps in a isolated patch of land near an old port or river bank, a pirate buried a barrel or small wooden chest with a bunch of doubloons inside. He probably wouldn't draw a map to where it was unless he knew he was going to die and was giving his shares to a partner.

So will you find "Flint's Treasure" amounting to all the riches he obtained over twenty years of pirating? Probably not. But is it possible to find a stash of 1,000 doubloons, or even a couple gold bars buried near an old pirate lair? I would say it is plausible but not probably after two hundred years. One thing would be certain; the pirate would probably hide the money where it was easy for him to get to it but not easy for others to find. He may also set a trap for suspicious fellows who might be in the area.

Davy Jones’ Locker

Davy Jones' Locker is a nautical term that dates back to at least 1751 (first known written reference to the word). It is quite possible that the term existed orally among sailors before this date. Since its first historical mention, the meaning of Davy Jones has changed very little. Davy Jones was sailor slang for the Devil or other evil spirits of the ocean. Davy's Locker or Davy Jones' Locker was the deep ocean's bottom. To be sent to Davy's Locker was to perish at sea. To send someone to Davy Jones was to kill him or her.

The phrase Davy Jones appears in much of the popular nautical literature. There is no reason not to assume the term was common among sailors for many years. Other variations of Davy Jones' Locker are:

To be in Davy's Grip: To be close to death, or frightened.
To have the Davies or the Joneseys: To be frightened.
To see you to Davy Jones: To threaten to kill some one.
Awaken Davy or Awaken Davy Jones: To cause a storm.

The Green Flash

The Green Flash is a naturally occurring phenomenon where there is sudden flash of emerald green light as the sun sets. This can happen when the horizon and the sky are both crystal clear. It is more common over the ocean but happens over land as well.

Well documented cases of date back to the 1600s but it became more common with longer sea voyages and polar exploration. One of the biggest myths of the green flash was created by Jules Verne. He claimed it to be an old Scottish legend that ‘if one was to peer in the light of the Green Flash they would gain the power to read the very souls of other people they met'. There was no Scottish myth. Other people claim that the Ancient Egyptians wrote story about mystical powers of the green flash.

St. Elmo's Fire

St. Elmo's Fire is named after the Italian Saint Erasmus (Elmo in English). St. Erasmus is the patron saint of Mediterranean sailors. St. Elmo's Fire is a weather phenomenon that occurs when a large amount of atmospheric electricity is present, usually before or after a thunder storm. It is usually seen as a good omen by men at sea, a sign that the very finger tips of God has come down from Heaven to protect the ship from danger.

St. Elmo's Fire appears as blue flame or sphere at the top of a ship's mast or masts, often for minutes at a time. It does not produce heat or cause things to burn. Sometimes the sphere will break up and dance along the yardarms and upper lines of the ship. On ships with more than one mast the flame may appear at the top of each mast or dance about like a blue flame licking the top of all the sails.

Ben Franklin explained this naturally occurring condition in his work concerning electricity in the air and lightning. Basically as electricity builds up in the atmosphere before a storm or dissipates after a storm it is attracted to the top of the masts which act as grounded lightning rods. The electricity causes the tips to brightly glow in a blue or whitish blue light.

Despite Mr. Franklin's wisdom, the light is still seen today as a sign of good luck or fortune, especially when it appears near the end of a tempest. At that time, it is seen as a sign that St. Elmo has watched over the ship through the storm and answered the prayers of her crew.

Thus endeth another Pirate Lesson.

The next Post will be another mystery pirate topic

Arrrgh! Be good and share ye booty. Arrrgh!

Big Bad Al

Fear the Joli Rouge

2009-07-19T20:10:00.005+10:00

The Jolly Roger is the traditional flag of European and American pirates, envisioned today as a skull over crossed bones on a black field.

However, there were many variations and additional emblems on actual Jolly Rogers. Jack Rackham (Calico Jack) and Thomas Tew used variations with swords. Edward Teach (Blackbeard) used a skeleton holding an hourglass in one hand and a spear or dart in the other while standing beside a bleeding heart. Bartholomew Roberts (Black Bart) had two variations: a man and a skeleton, who held a spear or dart in one hand, holding either an hourglass or a cup while toasting death or an armed man standing on two skulls over the letters ABH and AMH (a warning to residents of Barbados and Martinique that death awaited them). Dancing skeletons signified that the pirates cared little for their fate.

The origins of the term "Jolly Roger" are unclear.

One theory is that it comes from the French term "joli rouge," ("pretty red") which the English corrupted into "Jolly Roger". This may be likely as there were a series of "red flags" that were feared as much, or more, than "black flags". The origin of the red flag is likely that English privateers flew the red jack by order of the Admiralty in 1694. When the War of Spanish Succession ended in 1714, many privateers turned to piracy and some retained the red flag, as red symbolized blood. No matter how much sailors dreaded the black pirate standard, all prayed they never encountered the joli rouge. This red flag boldly declared the pirates' intentions: no life would be spared. No quarter given, none asked,

The term was subsequently used for the black flag with skull and bones which appeared in use around 1700.

There is another theory, also using "joli rouge" as the origin for the name. Apparently a Catholic order of fierce warrior monks, known as the "Poor Soldiers of Christ and the Temple of Solomon", or Knights Templar, first used the "joli rouge", the red flag. The link between the monks and pirates is provided by the fact that they were fighting for their cause on the open seas, effectively becoming pirates.

In combat many merchant ships were surprised when a fast ship changed a national flag for the more portentous Jolly Roger, which was the desired effect.

The skull and crossbones may have originally been taken from a common symbol that appeared on many mediaeval and renaissance gravestones. It was a natural symbol to represent death.
An hourglass, or an hourglass with wings: Your time is running out.
Arm grasping sword or dagger: We will show no quarter.
A dancing skeleton or a pirate toasting a skeleton: We have no fear of death.
Spear: We promise a violent death.
A speared heart or bleeding heart: We promise a painful, bloody death.

Bartholomew Roberts (Black Bart)
Christopher Moody
Edward England
Edward Low
Edward Teach (Blackbeard)
Emanual Wayne
Henry Every (Sometimes shown with a red background)
Jack Rackham (Calico Jack)
Thomas Tew
Lastly the most feared flag of all. Big Bad Al The Scourge of Humpybong Creek

The next Post will be about the Myths and Legends of Pirates.

Until then: Arrrgh! She be fine sailing and there be plunder a plenty. Arrrgh!

Big Bad Al

Tits Ahoy!

2009-07-14T12:59:00.002+10:00

There are only a few know cases of women being accepted within the male society of Pirates. Mainly because they were strictly forbidden on most Pirate ships.

However, throughout history the annals of Piracy included some formidable women.

Scandinavian Alwida (5th Century), Irishwoman Grace O'Malley (1530 - 1603), Englishwoman Charlotte de Berry (1636 - ??), American Rachell Wall (1760 - 1789) and Chinese Ching Shih (1785 - 1844).

Grace O'Malley

Grace O'Malley was born in 1530 at Clare Island Castle, County Mayo, Ireland. Her father Owen ‘Dubhdarra' (black oak) O'Malley was a well-known sea captain and chieftain of the Barony of Murrish. The O'Malley family were known for their sailing prowess since 1123 and traded with Spain and Scotland on a regular basis.

Grace's love of the sea was apparent in her early years, she vowed to follow in her father's footsteps as soon as she was old enough. She was taught to read Latin and schooled at the castle under the family's motto "Terra Mariq Potens'" (Invincible on Land and Sea.)

Legends have it that Granuaile, a nickname of Grace's, sailed often with her father during her childhood. One tale relates that Grace once saved her father's life during an attack by an English ship. Grace had been instructed to go below ship if they were ever attacked. When the English ship attacked Grace did not go below as ordered, but climbed the sail rigging instead. At one point while her father was being attacked from behind, Grace leaped from the rigging, sailed through the air screaming and landed on the attacking Pirate's back. This distraction was enough for her father's people to gain control of the fight and win in the end.

Grace was married to Donal O'Flahetty in 1546. She was sixteen years old. Marriages in those days were arranged by the families and this would have been considered quite a match for Grace. Donal was the tainist (next in line) to The O"Flaherty, the head of the clan and chieftain of all Iar Connacht.

Grace became actively immersed in politics, fishing, trading, and tribal disputes as time passed, she eventually overshadowed her husband and was well respected by the men of the clan. She soon became head of the clan's fleet of ships. It was unusual for a woman to lead men in this era.

The city of Galway, one of the largest trade centers in the British Isles, refused to trade with the O'Flaherty clan. Grace took it upon herself to annoy them as much as possible. She would sweep down on slower vessels in her fast galleys and waylay them. She would then bargain with the ship captains for a fee of safe passage, if they refused to pay she would let her men pillage the ships before letting them go their way.

During the 1560's another young war chief of the O'Flaherty clan was causing the British trouble. He defeated the British Earl of Clanrickard outside of Galway. The British were unhappy but unable to do much about it at this time, their treasury was low and to attack full force would have crippled them. They offered this young chieftain a treaty in which he would observe peace in return for the position of chieftain of all the Iar-Connacht. This ousted the current O'Flaherty and their tainist, Donal.

Donal soon died in a fight with a rival clan. As his widow Grace was entitled to one third of her husbands estates, but this was never paid to her. She returned to the O'Malley clan with her three children and 200 of her husband's followers.

Grace made her home on Clare Island in Clew Bay and between piracy and charging for safe passage she regained her riches. Soon Grace had a thriving piracy empire and control of five castles in the area

There was a last castle on the northeast side of Clew Bay that she coveted, this castle belonged to Richard Burke. Legend has it that Grace went to Castle Rockfleet knocked on the door and proposed marriage to the owner, Richard Burke. It is said that she proposed marriage for one year, she explained the union would allow both clans to resist the British invasion that was taking the Irish lands around them. Burke agreed to the arrangement and when Grace offered to release him at the end of the year he declined. They were married until his death seventeen years later.

During this time the English were taking over much of the Irish land, either by force or offering the Irish lords English titles and peace. Grace, always independent, refused to be bought and continued to rebel against the English invasion of her land.

At the age of 56, Grace was captured by the English Governor Richard Bingham who was a ruthless leader and determined to stop Grace's piracy and rebellion. Bingham arrested Grace and some of her followers and planned to hang her. As Grace awaited execution she continued to retain her dignity and refused to plead for mercy. Right before the execution was to take place Grace's son-in-law offered himself as a hostage and Grace was released. She was made to promise to stop all her on sea activity and Bingham stripped her of her cattle, some of her lands and forced her into poverty.

The Irish rebellion continued during these years. There were much fighting and loss of men and lands. The Spanish Armada patrolled the Irish coasts and were waging war against the English. Grace assassinated hundreds of Spaniards on the ship of Don Pedro de Mendoza near the castle on Clare Island in 1588. She was well into her late fifties by this time and proved to be as fierce at this age as she was in her younger years. It is unclear whether she was helping the English at this time or just protecting the little land and properties she had left.

In 1593, Richard Bingham was fearful that Grace would join the rebellion that was fast brewing and had her son Tibbot and her brother Donal-na-Piopa arrested. Although she was virtually penniless at this time and unable to raise much of a force against the English, he continued to try to keep her in his control by these arrests.

Grace appealed to the English Queen, Elizabeth during this time asking for the release of her family and help in regaining her lands and wealth. When she didn't receive a reply in the time she wanted she sailed to England herself. It was a daring move, not many Irish lords would dare set foot on English soil for fear of imprisonment or execution.

No one knows why Elizabeth agreed to see Grace, but they met in September of 1593. Grace was fluent in Latin and she and the Queen were able to converse freely. Grace explained to the Queen that her acts were not of rebellion but merely acts of self defence as Bingham had taken upon himself to destroy her and all of Ireland. She asked for the release of her brother and son and agreed to use her prowess at sea to help the Queen defeat her enemies.

Queen Elizabeth finally agreed to Grace's offer of services and wrote Bingham commanding him to release Grace's family and restore her possessions. Bingham released her son and brother but never did give her back her lands and wealth. She continued to struggle against him for many years, pirating and doing the things she had done all her life.

Grace was a fearless warrior. It is said she died in her early seventies and was active on the sea into her sixties. Grace died approximately around 1603 at Rockfleet castle. In her lifetime she maintained the old principles of the Gaelic and Brehon systems of law. She was able to survive the times with style and grace. She was a revered and honoured Chieftain of her people and will be remembered as such.

Charlotte de Berry

Born in England in 1636, Charlotte de Berry fell in love with a sailor. When the Royal Navy ordered him to sea, she donned male clothes and joined him on board his ship as his brother. One version of how she became a pirate said the two fought side by side in six major battles. An officer discovered Charlotte's ruse, but said nothing because he wanted her for himself. When his first attempt to get rid of her lover failed, the officer accused him of trying to start a mutiny. He was found guilt and flogged around the fleet, a punishment that killed him. Charlotte refused the officer's advances, stabbed him, and fled ashore.

She became an entertainer in waterfront saloons that sailors frequented. One sea captain kidnapped her, forced her to wed him, then set sail for Africa. Charlotte convinced the crew to mutiny and turn to piracy.

Another version says that sometime after the navy ship departed England, pirates attacked it. The pirate captain discovered Charlotte's true identity, but she engaged him in a duel and lopped off his head. The pirates rejoiced on hearing of his death, and made Charlotte their new captain. Rumours soon spread about her ferocity and cruelty. One claimed she had sewn shut one captain's mouth. Throughout her life as a pirate she pretended to be a man.

How and when she died is uncertain, but one story claims she married a wealthy Spaniard who joined her crew. A storm sank their ship and they survived without food and water for eight days aboard a raft. The survivors decided the only way they would continue to live was if they drew lots. The loser would forfeit his life to feed the others. Charlotte's husband was the first slain just before a merchantman rescued them. Pirates attacked that ship. Charlotte fought them off, saved her rescuers, then leapt overboard to join her dead husband."

Ching Shih

Ching Shih was born in Canton, China, in 1785. Not much is known about her early years, but in 1801 she married Ching Yi, a famous pirate. Part of their arrangement was that she would share in her husband’s plunder and help him command his fleet. For the next six years they sailed the high seas together. When Ching Yi died in 1807, Ching Shih took control of the fleet.

Ching Shih was one of the most successful pirates ever. Her Red Flag Fleet was estimated to include more than 1,500 ships and 80,000 pirates who terrorized the South China seas. Her fleet was fierce and dangerous, and she was said to rule with an iron fist, imposing harsh punishments for those who crossed her. If you stole some of her plunder, you were beheaded. Deserting cost you your ears. If you hid booty, you were flogged the first time and executed the second.

The Chinese navy did its best to catch her, but her massive pirate fleet kept defeating it in battle. It’s said that one admiral even committed suicide to avoid being taken prisoner by Ching Shih. When the Chinese navy couldn’t catch Ching Shih, British and Portuguese bounty hunters were called in to help. They were unsuccessful as well. That’s because Ching Shih had powerful relatives all over the world.

Running out of options to stop Ching Shih’s reign of terror, the Chinese government offered a truce in 1810. Ching Shih could keep her treasure and would not be punished if she surrendered. She agreed to the terms, and most of her pirates were given the same deal. Out of all her men, only 126 were executed. The rest were given government jobs or military positions. Some people believe that Ching Shih was part of a powerful family that actually controlled the government, but this has never been confirmed.

In retirement, Ching Shih remarried and had children. When her new husband died in 1822, she moved back to Canton and opened a gambling house. She died in 1844 at age 59, having lived an extraordinary life.

Female Pirates were few but they made up for it with fierce reputations.

The next instalment of Pirate stuff will be the Dreaded Pirate Flag.

Until then, Arrgh! Be Hearty and keep your powder dry.

Big Bad Al

... let's jump on Board and cut them to pieces.

2009-07-04T14:22:00.005+10:00

... let's jump on Board and cut them to pieces. (Battle cry of Edward "Blackbeard" Teach)

Hollywood portrays Pirate Battles as an "All Guns A Blazing" affair. Another Hollywood misconception.

Pirates tended to aim to avoid battle as this would cause loses in their own ranks and inflict unintentional damage to their prize. Each successful Cannon blast would reduce the value of their prize and possibly lead to the ship catching fire or sinking.

Pirates tried to intimidate their enemies during the approach by making infernal noises and swinging their sabres menacingly. The Jolly Roger was hoisted and a warning shot put across their bows. History shows that few merchant Captains attempted to defend themselves against the heavily armed Pirates. They took their chance that the Pirates would spare the ship and crew if they surrendered any cargo voluntarily.

In the 17th and 18th Centuries the Merchant ships gradually became more heavily armed so the Pirates had to adapt their tactics in response to the new Naval and technical advances and equip themselves with weapons to match their foes. Pirate ships became some of the most heavily armed vessels on the high seas.

As the aim of the pirates was to disable a ship and it's crew a variety of weapons and tactics were used. A description of individual weapons is outline below. Pirate ships were usually faster than the heavily laden merchant ships so speed and surprise was the first tactic. Once the pirate ship closed with it's victim, Snipers in the rigging would fire upon the crew on deck. Deck Cannons loaded with Shrapnel shots fired sending hot metal shards across the deck killing and wounding. Deck Cannon also fired Chain shot to bring down the sails, rigging and masts. This usually allowed the two ships to get close enough so that grappling hooks could be used to pull the ships together allowing the pirates to board and engage the crew in hand to hand combat using pistols, sabre, knives and spikes.

As an aside. I read an interesting encounter between a British and French Navy Ships of the Line. Both ships were of equal size and firepower so the eventual outcome came down to tactics. Both ships engaged in a Cannon battle and when close enough small arms was used. The British Captain could see that neither was going to win.

Suddenly the French Captain noticed that the Britisher had stopped firing and there were bodies and wounded scattered all over the deck. He approached and using grappling hooks proceeded to bring the two ships together. As the ships drew closer together and the French crew prepared to board there was an almighty roar as all guns on the British ship fired. The French ship was cut in half just above the waterline. The deck and rigging collapsed in on itself and the French ship sank in a matter of minutes.

The British Captain had left half his crew on deck laying around pretending to be dead and wounded whilst the other half were below decks manning the cannons. A masterful act of deception and no doubt a complete surprise to the French Captain. I'll bet his last words were "Sacre Bleu!"

Let us now look at some of the weapons used by the sailors of the period.

The Cutlass

A cutlass is a short, thick sabre or slashing sword, with a straight or slightly curved blade sharpened on the cutting edge, and a hilt often featuring a solid cupped or basket-shaped guard.

Best known as the sailor's weapon of choice because it was also robust enough to hack through heavy ropes, canvas, and wood. It was short enough to use in relatively close quarters, such as during boarding actions, in the rigging, or below decks. Another advantage to the cutlass was its simplicity of use. The cutlass required less training than the rapier or small sword, and was more effective as a combat weapon than the full-sized sword.

The Dagger

The Dagger was a small multi-purpose knife that was used at supper and slaughter.

With a straight blade, it was for thrust and puncture, not slash and gash like the cutlass.

The dagger usually had a cross bar or hilt to keep the hand off the blade and swords off the hand. The hilt's most important function came into play during a cutlass fight, because it could 'catch' the strike of the blade. The user could deflect the blow, swiftly swing the cutlass to the side, and answer with a hard cutting motion of his own.

Boarding Axes & Tomahawks

Boarding Axes, with a two or three-foot handle and a combination of sharp blade and blunt hammer side, were used to cut the ropes of boarding hooks, bring down masts and rigging, and generally tear through anything that stood in the way of the loot, like doors, hatches or locks. They could at times help steady the weight of a boarder if needed for climbing from a smaller boat to a larger vessel (a portable handle).

The boarding axe however, had other very important duties. It was used in fire fighting to chisel out hot cannon balls that could ignite ships' timbers. The broad blade end was used to cut through downed rigging and as a hook to drag the rigging and debris out of the way.

Boarding Hooks (a.k.a. Grappling Hook, Grapple, Grappler)

A Boarding Hook (or "grappling hook") is a composite hook attached to a rope, designed to be thrown or projected a distance, where its hooks would engage with the target. Grappling hooks were originally used in naval warfare to catch the rigging of an enemy ship so that it could be drawn in and boarded.

The most common design consists of a central shaft with a hole at the base of the shaft, called an "eye" to attach the rope, and three or four equally spaced hooks at the end of the shaft, so arranged that at least one is likely to catch on some protuberance of the target.

The Grenadoe (a.k.a. Smokepot, Grenade)

The precursor to the modern day Grenade, the Grenadoe was a round cast iron hollow ball roughly about the size of a soft ball or mature grapefruit. A hole would be be drilled to allow access to the interior, and then the sphere would be filled with gunpowder, grape shot, and other painful shrapnel.

The specifications of the Grenadoe were fairly inconsistent, measuring from as small as 2.5" (6.5cm) to 4.5" (11.5cm) diameter depending on their intended use. Some examples have a slight dimple in the bottom/side (apparently to keep it from rolling around on the deck) and maybe a 3/8ths-3/4th inch (1 – 2 cm) hole in the top (for the wooden dowel/fuse).

The skin of the Grenadoe varies with each unique batch but in general the thickness is approximately 1/4 inch (1 cm) in the top half and gradually gets thicker to about 5/8" toward the bottom (most likely due to the imperfections of the casting process).

Standard Deck Cannon

Cannons of the Seventeenth Century

The main changes in the 17th century involved sizes and numbers. European ships were now carrying as many as 100 guns on three separate decks. 42 pounder guns were often the standard gun on the bottom decks. Special shots or artillery rounds were being developed especially for naval use. Barshot, chain shot, were rounds designed to destroy rigging and sails. Bundle shot, canister, grape shot were used against personnel. Cluster rounds and Sangrenel rounded out the variety of shots fired from the Cannon. (See below for further details)

Cannons of the Eighteenth Century

Ships of War had improved dramatically by the opening of the 18th Century, In fact, the Golden Age of Piracy was probably the Golden Age of Sail as well. Cast Iron muzzle loaders ranging from the small 6 pounders to the large 32 pounders were the general rule. Elevation was adjusted by a modified quoin under the breech and the general science of trajectory was better understood. Fixed loads of powder were calculated for the guns improving accuracy and the guns were secured to the sides of the ships by heavy breech ropes passed through or around the casabels, limiting recoil and aiding in the reloading of the guns. Side tackles were also added as well as small ramps behind the guns to aid in pulling them back into firing position.

The Naval Artillery had unheard of range of about 2,000 yards (meters) by this time. Of course most engagements were fought at under 1,000 yards and sometimes within pistol shot (25 to 50 yards).

The term "pounder" refers to the size of a gun. A six pounder fired a solid shot of lead which weighed approximately 6 pounds. A 32 pounder fired a ball of lead that weighed approximately 32 pounds:

Swivel Cannon

A swivel gun is a small cannon, mounted on a swivelling stand or fork which allows a very wide arc of movement. Such weapons were used principally aboard sailing ships during the age of sail, serving as short-range anti-personnel ordnance. They were not ship-sinking weapons, due to their small caliber and short range, but could do considerable damage to anyone caught in their line of fire.

Swivel guns are among the smallest types of cannon, typically measuring less than 3 ft (1 meter) in length and with a bore diameter of up to 1¼ in (3.5 cm). They can fire a variety of ammunition but were generally used to fire grapeshot and similar types of small-diameter shot, though they could also fire small caliber round shot. As with other types of cannon, swivel guns are muzzle loaders. They were aimed through the use of a wooden handle, somewhat similar to a baseball bat, attached to the breech of the weapon.

In operational use, swivel guns were highly portable and could be moved around the deck of a ship quite easily (and certainly much more easily than other types of cannon). They could be mounted on the deck railings of a ship, which provided the gunner with a reasonably steady platform from which to fire. Their portability enabled them to be installed wherever they were most needed; whereas larger cannon were useless if they were on the wrong side of the ship, swivel guns could be carried across the deck to face the enemy.

Cannon balls

Classic cannonballs weighed up to 32 pounds and did little damage at long range. As they were also very inaccurate, cannon were usually loaded with a various selection of ammunition in case of different targets. Some were specialized for personnel and some enemy ship (rigging and sail). These included gravel, nails, and combined small cannon or musket balls, effective against enemy crew.

Bar and Chain Shot

Main purpose of bar and chain shot was damaging the rigging and sail of enemy ship. This type of ammunition were two or more cannon balls connected together with iron bar or chain. When fired, the shot would rotate through the air creating destructive force able to destroy any sails and riggings.

Bundle Shot

This type of shot are specially designed for damaging opposing crew. Bundle shots were packs of short metal bars bundled together with a length of rope. When fired, the rope would loosen and the iron bars would begin to spread apart hitting everyone around. They were most effective at close distance.

Grape shot

Specially designed small iron balls or stones, about three quarters of an inch in diameter, were packed in bags and used as grapeshot. Grape shot was used to make deadly blows for crew on deck, causing little damage to the ship. One of the most famous pirates, Bartholomew Roberts was killed by this type of shot.

Canister Shot

Another type of cannon ammunition with multiple shots was a cloth bag filled with gravel, nails and spikes. When the shot hit its target it would burn and release sharp shards all over the deck, which caused severe wounds.

Pirate and Sea Battles of the time were fought eyeball to eyeball with some fearsome weapons. Do you still want to be a Pirate?

Coming up in the next posts: "Firey Red Head Female Pirates" or as Domestic Daze would prefer "Misunderstood Red Head Female Pirates".

Until then. Arrrrgh! Ye be Good and Share ye treasure with ye other swabbies. Arrrgh!

Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum.

2009-06-27T03:06:00.004+10:00

In the morning of November 22, 1718, the boarding is launched, a wild fight follows. The frightening pirate Blackbeard and Lieutenant Maynard of the Royal Navy meet themselves. They are engaged in a duel with the pistol. Blackbeard is hit. Then, they are in confrontation with the sabre, the Lieutenant's sabre breaks under the attacks of his terrible opponent. Blackbeard hurls on him to give the fatal blow, when a sailor strikes him a stab to his neck. Surmounting his pain, blood flooding on him everywhere, Blackbeard keeps on fighting courageously in spite of his multiple wounds...

What a poignant way to open this post on the terrible fight between the infamous pirate Blackbeard and Lieutenant Maynard!

This four part blog abounds in exciting true stories on pirates and privateers as well as useful maritime pirate information.

Part one is a general study of the life of a pirate around the start of the 18th Century. Of late I have been reading about pirates and Edward (Blackbeard) Teach in particular so I will use him as your archetypical pirate of the Caribbean.

Edward Teach is thought to have been born 1690 in Bristol, England. He served as a deckhand on an English Privateer during the War of the Spanish Succession but jumped ship in Jamaica and joined the pirate Captain Ben Hornigold from 1713 to 1716.

In 1717 Blackbeard captured the French ship St Vincent which he fitted out with 40 cannon, a crew of 150 men and renamed Queen Anne's Revenge. Within a short time Blackbeard became known as the "Terror of the Caribbean" with a small fleet and 300 men. In 1718 he attacked a heavily armed British warship, HMS Scarborough, winning the battle that lasted several hours, sending the Britisher in flight back to port. His reputation was sealed.

As well as the Caribbean Blackbeard raided along the Virginia and Carolina Coast. Finally the Governor of Virginia dispatched the warship HMS Pearl under the command of Lt Robert Maynard. The final outcome is as related above. Blackbeard died as the result of five bullet wounds and twenty stab wounds. Maynard suspended Blackbeard's head from the bow of his Flagship. It was later displayed on a pole at the mouth Hampton River as a deterrent.

Most people think of pirate Captains as ruthless and having absolute rule however most pirate ships operated under a very democratic system. All men were treated as equal. Skin colour, religion or ethnic origin were of little importance. The Captain and senior positions was elected by the crew and all decisions except those made during battle or in pursuit of treasure were voted on by the crew. During battle the Captain had sole authority.

They also had a Code of Conduct. The following are the rules worked out by the crew who served under pirate Captain Bartholomew Roberts. They are included in a book entitled "General History of the Pyrates" by Charles Johnson, published in 1724.

Every man has the right to vote on all decisions to be made, and everyone has the same right to fresh food and spirits.
Any man who steals from his comrades shall be marooned.
Nobody shall game for money, either with dice or cards.
Lights and candles must be extinguished at eight o'clock in the evening. If crew members want to continue drinking after this time, they should do it on deck.
Weapons, pistols and cutlasses must be kept clean and operational at all times.
No women or boys may board. Whoever lures a woman on board and takes her to sea in disguise shall forfeit his life.
Whoever leaves the ship or his post during a battle shall be punished by death or whipping.
Scrapping is banned aboard. Any disputes shall be settled on Land.
Anyone who loses a limb during a battle shall receive an extra share of the booty.
The Captain and the Quartermaster shall each receive two shares of the booty; the Mate, Chief Gunner, and Bo'sun One and a half shares; Officers one and a quarter shares, and all other crew members one share each.

Unlike the ships of the regular Navies it was standard on most pirate ships for wounded crew to receive an additional purse. Pirate Veterans who were no longer able to fight enjoyed a pension and surviving dependants were supported.

The life of a pirate was tough but the rewards and benefits could be great.

In the next series of posts I shall cover weapons, pirate flags, battle tactics, female pirates and other good stuff.

Until then; Stay good and be kind to each other.

Give Me Your Username and Password! (Updated)

2009-06-20T14:06:00.004+10:00

You may have read about people being dismissed from their employment after posting comments or videos on social networking sites such as Facebook, MySpace and YouTube.

One City in the USA has taken it one step further.

Here is an article from the Montana's News Station

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Applying for a job with the City of Bozeman? You may be asked to provide more personal information than you expected.

That was the case for one person who applied for employment with the City. The anonymous viewer emailed the news station recently to express concern with a component of the city's background check policy, which states that to be considered for a job applicants must provide log-in information and passwords for social network sites in which they participate.

The requirement is included on a waiver statement applicants must sign, giving the City permission to conduct an investigation into the person's "background, references, character, past employment, education, credit history, criminal or police records."

"Please list any and all, current personal or business websites, web pages or memberships on any Internet-based chat rooms, social clubs or forums, to include, but not limited to: Facebook, Google, Yahoo, YouTube.com, MySpace, etc.," the City form states. There are then three lines where applicants can list the Web sites, their user names and log-in information and their passwords.

The requirement raises questions concerning applicants' privacy rights.

Article 2, Section 10 of the Montana Constitution reads "the right of individual privacy is essential to the well-being of a free society and shall not be infringed without the showing of a compelling state interest."

The City takes privacy rights very seriously, but this request balances those rights with the City's need to ensure employees will protect the public trust, according to city attorney Greg Sullivan.

"So, we have positions ranging from fire and police, which require people of high integrity for those positions, all the way down to the lifeguards and the folks that work in city hall here. So we do those types of investigations to make sure the people that we hire have the highest moral character and are a good fit for the City," Sullivan said.

Another concern the applicant raised was that by providing the City with a Facebook user name and password the City not only has access to the applicant's page but also to the pages belonging to all of the applicant's Facebook "friends."

"You know, I can understand that concern. One thing that's important for folks to understand about what we look for is none of the things that the federal constitution lists as protected things, we don't use those. We're not putting out this broad brush stroke of trying to find out all kinds of information about the person that we're not able to use or shouldn't use in the hiring process," Sullivan said.

When asked about creating a separate Bozeman Facebook page, then asking applicants to add the City as "friend," thus allowing the City to view the applicant's profile, Sullivan said officials could explore the option. This would limit the city to only view the page of the applicant.

No one has ever removed his or her name from consideration for a job due to the request, Sullivan added.

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I don't know about you but I think that the City of Bozeman had far exceeded the limits of privacy. I think it is a gross invasion of privacy. If this is the attitude before you are employed what do the expect after you are on their payroll?

What are your thoughts? Has the City of Bozeman gone too far? Would you continue with the application?

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Edit: UPDATE

Bozmean Drops Password Requirement.

A change in Bozmean's city hiring policy -- two days and one worldwide reaction after we broke the story, Bozeman will no longer ask applicants for social networking user names and passwords.

"Effective at noon today the city of Bozeman permanently ceased the practice of requesting that candidates selected for positions under a provisional job offer to provide their usernames or passwords for candidates internet sites," said Chris Kukulske, Bozeman City Manager.

Kukulski says after a 90 minute staff meeting held earlier today, officials decided asking applicants to provide their passwords to sites such as Facebook or MySpace, "exceeded that which is acceptable to our community."

Kukulski apologized for the negative impact the issue has generated from news organizations and blogs around the world.

He says this information was never required at the time of application.

"This was a question that was asked after you were conditionally offered the job."

He says the city also is suspending the practice of viewing any password protected information.

The city will continue using the internet as part of background checks to judge the character of applicants, and although the city will stop asking for passwords Kukulski says the passwords already given by previous applicants will remain the confidential property of the city.

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Flashback: Big Bad Al - The Early Years.

2009-06-02T20:32:00.008+10:00

My mother was right. My youth was mis-spent. My Dad was a Station Master in the Railways. In Queensland the main railway runs along the coast from Brisbane to Cairns. There are branch lines that run off the main line at various points to service the Inland areas. So most of my young years was spent in close proximity to the coast. Dad owned a house at Caloundra (on the Sunshine Coast) so we spent a lot of time "at the beach".

A lot of my free time was spent surfing at King's Beach and at Alex (Alexandra Headlands). The house was at King's Beach on the point. That was in the late 60s and early 70s so it was nothing like it is today. The Sunshine Coast was a series of villages strung out along the coast. Today it is one big conglomeration of urbanisation.

As I got older and got my own car and Driver's License (in that order) I ventured further afield and would head down to the Gold Coast and Northern New South Wales (NSW).

And then I joined the Army. The end of my surfing you would think. But not so. My first posting after training was to Canungra, a small Army base in the Gold Coast Hinterland. So I was still in easy reach of some good surfing beaches. I spent 5 years there before I was forced to transfer and drifted off to continue my military career.

A few years later the Army asked me if I would like to go to Hawaii for 12 months. What a silly question. My bags were packed before they had the paperwork filled out.

That was a great posting for an old surfer. I didn't surf the big waves, I was too "rusty" by then, but did do a bit of surfing in the smaller wave areas. It was good to see the big waves at places like Diamond Head, Wiamea Bay, Sunset Beach and O'ahu. I also got to see the Beach Boys live on Waikiki Beach. A great 12 months holiday... errr... Posting. And I got paid for it.

Since then I have not done any surfing but I have spent a lot of my time near salt water. I have worked and lived on Fraser Island, the Gold Coast and Northern NSW coast. I now live in a coastal region and have no intentions of moving any time soon. If I can't smell the salt air I get Jittery.

What brought on these ramblings of my early Years? Well I was rummaging through some boxes of stuff and came across some old vinyls and tapes. (Vinyls for you young ones is the old music records. The equivalent of today's CDs) Some of you know that I listen to Country Music but I have a diverse taste in music and I still like my old Surfing Music.

So in parting I leave you with this.

EDIT: For your further enjoyment.

Damn these guys are still good. The follicles may be grayer (just like mine) but they still pick a mean guitar and drum a deadly beat. Enjoy.

Big Bad Al's New Toy

2009-05-29T16:25:00.004+10:00

I have a new toy to play with. A RoboRoach. Actually it is a HexBug... A Robotic Cockroach.

It scurries around the place and when it runs into a wall or object it changes direction. It also changes direction in response to loud noise.

The sales guy said it couldn't be reprogrammed. That sounds like a challenge to me.

I am going to try and program my Leggo Robot to chase it and maybe shoot it with a Smurf Gun. Although the Robot is faster so it may just stomp on it instead. I might have to make some armour for RoboRoach.

Stay good and be kind to each other.

Twittercut worm preys on Twitter users

2009-05-27T13:57:00.001+10:00

I know a few of my loyal readers have a Twitter account.

Here is a reprint of an article in the latest PC Authority Magazine.

Original article here:

http://www.pcauthority.com.au/News/146093,twittercut-worm-preys-on-desperate-twitter-users.aspx

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Are you keen to add 1000's of followers to your Twitter account in a matter of minutes? A bogus twitter scam is trying to lure unsuspecting twitterers via a third party site, and offering them instant twitter stardom

Ahh Twitter - is it just another excuse to waste time on the Internet or a great way to keep up with the latest news? It seems like quite a few people who get into the Twittering scene are just as concerned about the number of people following them as they are about Demi Moore's new hairdryer.

In an attempt to prey on people's desires to be the top dog in Twitter land, a scam site has been set up to lure those desperate enough to seek instant Twitter followers. According to TechCrunch, the Twittercut is spreading faster than the Swine Flu lately, as you can see by the amount of people getting fooled on this legit Twitter page.

So what should you look out for? The following silly message may be sent to your Twitter account soon:

"Wow, this is so awesome - I just got over 1000 followers today from http://twittercut.com"

Those desperate enough to click on the link are sent to a third party website that asks for your Twitter username and password. Bad news awaits those who actually enter their personal details. A worm will be sent to all your friends and the thing will spread like a worm spreads best - virally across the net, infecting the naive and the desperate.

Not only that, but the site looks lame, and those silly enough to get trapped should really think twice about the stray links they click on.

Twittercut has this to say about their amazing site:

"We recommend giving it a shot, it's free and will help you get the followers you need".

Like any social networking site, instant friend generators are most likely scams hidden in the emperor's new clothes. Tread carefully.

However, if you want to use Twitter the old fashioned way, you can always subscribe to PC Authority's Twitter feed; although we can't guarentee you 1000's of followers, we can promise a good read.

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Be careful out there.

Stay good and be kind to each other.

Movies: Variations of a Theme.

2009-05-21T20:50:00.008+10:00

OK the sequels were covered in the last post.

Let us now look at movies that are a remake or variations on a theme.

New Zealand gave us the movie Black Sheep.

I give you the Australian version.

Stay good and be kind to each other.

Future Sequels

2009-05-20T10:17:00.009+10:00

In my last post I think we all agreed that Hollywood has run out of ideas for new movies. So they are going to continue to rehash old classics and make sequels.

Lets have a look at some future sequels.

I be back... for my Zimmer Frame.

Stay good and be kind to each other.

Mad Max without Mad Mel?

2009-05-18T18:14:00.010+10:00

William Shatner is James T Kirk

Arnie is the Terminator

Linda Carter is Wonder Women

Christopher Reeve is Superman

Sigourney Weaver is Ripley

Mel Gibson is Mad Max

"George Miller to make new Mad Max, minus Mel Gibson"

Two years ago, Miller said he considered the Hollywood heavyweight too old to play the avenging road warrior.

Read about it here.

It seems that Hollywood has run out of ideas and lately have been rehashing old movies. But the actors who played the lead rolls in the originals are conspicuous by their absence.

Can the current generation of actors do these classic roles justice?

What do you think?

Stay good and be kind to each other.

Two steps forward, one step back.

2009-05-15T09:46:00.006+10:00

You may have noticed that I have been a little quiet of late. About 7 days ago I developed another bacterial infection. It developed quickly over about three days . Days one and two were OK in that it was just the usual dull ache but overnight into day three it progressed to the point that the pain was extreme. The Medical people swung into action. More like panic mode in my opinion. They gave me massive doses of Penicillin and Morphine for the pain.

All sorted you might think. But in usual Big Bad Al style nothing is straight forward. The Penicillin did its job too well. I went into full blown Toxic poisoning. Basically the bacteria causing the infection was nuked. However the toxic waste (dead bacteria) was too much for the liver and kidneys to handle and Big Bad Al went into meltdown. The symptoms were nausea, vomiting, fever, sweating, extreme fatigue. I spent the next two days sleeping and throwing up all over the place. So as well as the penicillin and morphine I was also getting injections to ease the side effects.

Yesterday (Thursday) morning because I had finally stopped vomiting they stopped the Penicillin and put me on a routine of antibiotic pills and stopped the Morphine and now I have a capsule form of a powerful painkiller which is usually used for those who cannot tolerate Morphine.

This morning I am not too bad. Still a bit "tired and emotional". Similar to the next morning feeling after a good night out.

So what else has been happening around the world. Let us look at the Blogasphere.

Yankee Dog has got himself a new toy. A video camera. Some of us were privileged enough to get a private viewing of his first soiree into the world of moving pictures and Youtube. I won't post the link here as Yankeedog will no doubt go public with his cinemagraphic efforts when he feels the time is right. All I will say dear readers is that I can see some more interesting tours brought to you by the Yankeedog Virtual Tours Inc.

(STOPPRESS: YankeeDog Goes Public. Film at Eleven.)

The Faded Redhead is taking a break from blogging to have some personal time. I wish her well and look forward to her return. Be warned that she will occasionally lurk around our blogs so we can't talk behind her back. Bugger!

Havock is still posting in Capital letters and lots of exclamation marks. He has also updated us with more info on his literary effort, Intense. So swing on over there and have a read.

Hughesy has taken on more work. In between writing and chasing chooks she has taken on the role of chief cook and bottlewash for a Sunshine Coast non-fiction literary festival - RealityBites. Again drop into the blogs and give her all the support you can.

Birmo has taken on another professional writing gig which apparently requires a bit more effort than just a few notes scribbled on a napkin while devouring gourmet muffins at his favourite noshery. So with kiddie wrangling, his literary efforts, the new gig and smacking down slouchbike riders, vegans and small "l" liberals he is a busy boy.

Abe The Sausage King in between trying to solve the World Economic Crisis has made a quick trip to Queensland. No doubt to organise outlets for his Seven Degrees of Kevin T-shirt and Sausage Emporium (A free sausage with every T-shirt). He snuck in without a word so we, his fellow bloggers, did not get a chance get him drunk and learn his secret sausage recipes. Be afraid, very afraid Queensland Burgers, he has threatened to return later in the year.

The rest of you have been furiously blogging away with the usual various and interesting topics.

Some have even ventured into the world of Twitter. I wondered into Twitter for a short time but found it too time sucking and in my present state just too draining so I shut down my Twitter site.

What else has happened?

Oh! My LCD TV blew up. Well, it did not actually explode into a thousand pieces. More with a POP! SIZZLE! and the smell of fried electrical components. I am reduced to viewing the world on a non Digital, non High Definition Analogue 13.5 inch TV. It is so old it does not have AV inputs so I can't hook up the Set Top HD Box to it. Talk about the dark ages. So now instead of spending my hard earned Rudd Dollars on a new laptop I'll now have to spend it on a new TV. What a cruel world.

I am sure that there has been other things happening around Australia and the World but really at the moment I just don't care.

Stay good and be kind to each other.

Hello! Hello! Is anyone out there?

2009-05-02T13:42:00.002+10:00

Hello! Hello! Is anyone out there? This is the Redcliffestan Civil Defence. Can anyone hear me?

Still no answer. Haven't heard the "All Clear" Siren yet. Must be worse than I thought.

It has been 72 hours since I evacuated to my bunker after the warnings from the Government about the Swine Flu and the approaching Four Pigs of the Porkalypse.

I wonder why the others haven't turned up yet. Where is Nowhere Bob. He should have been here by now. It is only a short boat ride down the coast from Noosa. I left a note for him on the beach with directions and secret password to my bunker.

And the Brisbane Burgers should be here also. Maybe the bridge is blocked by all the abandoned cars.

Better do a another check of my supplies.

Food for 4 months... Check.
Water for 4 months... Check.
Fuel for Generator... Check
Air Filtration System... Check.
Emergency Communications... Check

Well everything looks good in here.

Hello! Hello! Is anyone out there? This is the Redcliffestan Civil Defence. Can anyone hear me?

It is quiet out there. My sensors picked up some Crows earlier. Maybe they are fighting over the carcasses of those who did not make it.

I should have brought a couple of women with me to the bunker. When I begin the repopulation of the post Porkalypse world I will have to find some females. I don't trust any person who is outside at the moment. The guy from the CDC in the USA said the virus had mutated. They could have mutated into human/porcine Zombies.

Hello! Hello! Is anyone out there? This is the Redcliffestan Civil Defence. Can anyone hear me?

Still no answer. *Checks Emergency Radio* Yep seems to be working and it is on the Emergency Frequency recommended in those Civil Defence Booklets my Dad had.

Maybe I should go out and check. My Disposal Store BioSuit is hanging in the corner. No. Better not. It came with only one set of filters. Better save it until I need it. Besides that Government lady on the Telly said it would take about 4 to 6 weeks for the pandemic to work it's way through the population.

Geeze, I wish I had brought a TV or Radio down with me. At least I've got a couple of those books written by that Birmingham fellow. Maybe they will cheer me up and take my mind off the destruction of the world.

Arh well, might as well settle in. It'll be a while before it is safe to come out of here.

Hello! Hello! Is anyone out there? This is the Redcliffestan Civil Defence. Can anyone hear me?

Bloody Mexico! Why did they do it? WHY?

Useful Skills

2009-04-24T21:45:00.002+10:00

In the October 2008 issue of Popular Mechanics the featured article is “101 Skills Every Man Should Know”

Now I know what you are thinking. “That would be useful to know.”

You would think so wouldn’t you? But upon perusing the article I found it decidedly lacking. Sure it had some stuff like:

How to hide a secret room.
Grill with charcoal.
Hang food in the wild.
Drive in snow.
Conquer an off road obstacle.

Most of the items were along the lines of:

Tape drywall.
Iron a shirt.
Paint a straight line.
Solder wire.
Change a diaper.

I am sure some of the above skills are useful and will come in handy somehow, sometime… maybe.

But come the Apocalypse, Zombie Uprising, Rise of the Machines or invasion by the scaly Intergalactic Imperial Lizards just how useful would it be to know how to “Iron a Shirt”?

“Oh here come the Zombies. I had better iron a shirt so I look good when they eat my brains.”

Sure it would be useful to know how to “hang food in the wild” but you have to catch your bloody food first. Or “how to hide a secret room” but no mention on how to build gun racks for your room or how thick the walls have to be to stand up to a nuclear strike or how to vent out the exhaust fumes from the generator without giving away your position.

Would it not be more useful to know how to reload your auto shotgun in three and a half seconds while fending off a hoard of Brain Eaters.

So here is my challenge to you, my loyal, and hopefully prepared, readers.

I want you to list five useful skills that a man or woman should have and if you have any of those skills.

I know we have touched on this subject before in the late Journalspace however we have some recent additions to our little community and I need to know who would be useful to admit into the People’s Republic of Redcliffestan or tie to stakes as decoys.

Social Networking

2009-04-22T03:01:00.009+10:00

Last week end I signed up for Facebook and Twitter. I initially signed up for Facebook because my sons use it. I used to keep in contact with them through Instant Messaging (IM). Lately they were rarely on IM and found out that they now use Facebook and Twitter.

To my suprise I find that a few of the Burgers and my fellow bloggers are already there.

It made me realise that over the last 3 years or so while I have been dealing with my medical problems the technology world has passed me by. Sure I have been reading and participating on a few select Technology Blogs, newsletters and websites but I have not really taken much notice of the new innovations and trends. A few years ago I would have looked at the technology, analyzed it, played with it, looked at ways it can be used personally and as a business tool and perhaps even been involved in the development of some of it.

Another thing that I realised is that I have more online friends than real life friends. At the height of my medical problems I noticed that friends and acquaintances faded away. The main reason for this is that because I was either in hospital or restricted to home I could not participate in their social activities so eventually they gave up asking. A bit like your single friends after you get married.

You, my loyal readers, may have noticed that I have not attended any local blogger and burger gatherings such as the recent Chaz Day or Nat's (Girl Clumsy) theatre productions. But rest assured that once I am fit enough I shall be attending.

Since I started blogging it has been you guys and gals who have invited me into your little piece of the world to share some of your life. In return you have given me encouragement and helped me through the difficult times and for that I thank you.

I have also learned things. It has been interesting to see the blood and sweat that goes into getting a book published, via Birmo's Blog. The hard work needed to put together a theatre production, Girl Clumsy, Squire Bedak. The experiences of others in writing and life in general. And not just Australians but New Zealanders, Americans, English. I have learned something from all of you.

We are a diverse group of experiences, knowledge and nationalities and it has been an interesting and enjoyable journey.

Now for a bit of pimping. My Facebook and Twitter is here: Facebook Twitter

As I have not been with Facebook or Twitter for long and I am still learning I cannot give you the good and bad of them. First impressions is that they seem simple and straight forward.

Stay good and be kind to each other.

Post Lurgie Ramblings

2009-04-15T14:09:00.009+10:00

First, if you want a good laugh slip over to Jennicki's blog (Adult Films and the Easter Bunny).

NO! Not now. Read my post first. Bloody ingrates.

I think I have knocked the Dreaded Lurgie on the head... I think. The last remnants are valiantly hanging on. Over the last 6 days I have taken that many lotions, potions and concoctions I glow in the dark.

I see that Havock has taken up the baton and now has the Lurgie. Bloody Copy Cat. That'll teach him to visit my blog or maybe it was because he spent 2 days alone, naked, playing with his 360 and a plasma big screen.

I have called off our invasion of New Zealand. Why? I hear you cry. Well they are holding my eldest son (Ashley) as ransom. That's right. Those sneaky Kiwis have my son. Let me explain.

My son's girlfriend (Stace) is a New Zealander and they have decided to shack up. But not here in good ole Oz. They are moving to NZ, to Stacy's home town. A little place at the southern end of the South Island called Lake.

It is about 2 hours north west of Dunedin (Dr Yobbo's stomping grounds) and about an hour south of Mt Coook. It is a touristy place with boating and fishing in the summer and skiing in the winter. They tell me it is cold, very cold. Stace said it started snowing at her family's place last week. It should be interesting as my son is a Queensland boy and rarely ventured south of the Queensland border. There is plenty of employment opportunities in the area and Stace is going to finish a Teaching Degree so they should be OK.

So now I will have a place to stay when I visit NZ.

It has been raining for the last week. Not much of a problem here as the runoff just goes into the sea but it has been flooding inland around Caboolture and further north around Hughesy's Place in the Sunshine Coast hinterland. Sunshine and blue skies here today. I went for an amble along the beach this morning and there was no storm damage which is good.

With the Lurgie and rain I have been doing a lot of reading. Some Tech stuff to get the brain working again and started reading Clive Cussler's Arctic Drift. I also read a book on life as a soldier in the Roman Legion in Syria in 100 AD.

I have also been putting some thought into what I am going to do when I am fit and healthy again. The employment situation is looking grim out there in the big bad world. There are several options that I can concider.

My teaching registration has expired so I would have to renew that if I want to go back to Education. My specialisation was Adult Education and I believe that some of the requirements have changed so I will have to look at that and see if I need to upgrade.

I could resume my Technology career. My area was Integrated Information Systems and Emerging Technology. I also did a lot of R&D work in that area. I would like to go back to R&D but it will take a lot of work to get up to speed on the latest developments.

There is also the option of Business Administration but that might be a bit too much stress to jump into after 3 years of intensive medical treatment and trying to stay alive.

Then again I could just forget about all of that and find something that would not be too stressful. Perhaps do a Barista's course and go and serve delicious coffee to all the other people stressing out. If that doesn't work out at least I might learn to make a decent cup of coffee.

Anyway I'll sort it out. But first I have to get fit enough to go back to work. So I might just concentrate on that first.

Pysy hyvä ja olla ystävällisiä toisilleen

I blame the Faded Red Head.

2009-04-10T17:38:00.008+10:00

I have succumbed to the dreaded Lurgie. I feel like a semi-trailer has run over me. For the last couple of days I have feeling a bit off but this morning I woke up feeling and looking like death warmed up. Even the little blue pills have not helped. I blame the Faded Red Head. I think I caught it when I visited her blog.

For the first time in many years I have given the Festival of Sails a miss. The Festival is a big community party held just up the road at Sutton's Beach. The Brisbane to Gladstone Yacht Race starts at the mouth of the Brisbane River and the yachts head up to a marker in front of Sutton's Beach and chuck a big U-turn to head out to sea for the race to Gladstone. If the wind is from the south they usually have their spinnakers out and it is magnificent to see the yachts in full flight.

Anyway the Council puts on this big party on the beach with all sorts of wonderous entertainment and events. Singing, dancing, clowns and lots of food. Last year about 10,000 people turned up.

Alas this year I stayed at home, doped up to the eyeballs with all sorts of remedies and potions, drowning in my own misery.

Now onto something more important...

It is time to invade New Zealand, intern all Kiwi nationals living in Australia, confiscate all the property and goats of the a fore mentioned internees. That uppity little land of the long white cloud has gone too far this time. Well not the people of New Zealand but their Supreme Leader John Key.

"It's totally ridiculous for Australians to claim that they have pavlova or Phar Lap or any of those iconic New Zealand items,'' Mr Key said today.

"Everybody knows that they're ours and for Australians to claim ownership of them is quite inappropriate.''

Read the full story here: Kiwi PM lays claim to Aussie icons.

Bo bra och vara snäll mot varandra

Bah Humbug Easter!

2009-04-08T21:16:00.011+10:00

I was over at Domestic Daze's Place and she was rabbiting on about Easter and the Relos and it brought to mind a couple of quick rabbit related stories.

Bah Humbug Easter, I say.

At one time I managed hotels.

At Easter I would always put Rabbit on the menu. Roast Rabbit, Rabbit Pie and Rabbit Stew.

At another time Roger Rabbit was the movie de jour. So I put Rabbit on the menu and put on the sign outside:

Who Killed Roger Rabbit?

We don't know but today's special is:

Rabbit Pie

Anyway Easter has been cancelled. This photo expalins why.

Stay good and be kind to each other.

Huzzar! Big Bad Al is on the mend!

2009-04-01T22:00:00.003+10:00

Good News, Big Bad Al is on the mend.

Had an appointment with the Cancer Specialist today (Wednesday) and he was the bearer of good news.

The lab results from the operation I had at Christmas time showed that what was removed was benign or dead. Leftovers from the Chemo which had successfully nuked all the evil stuff.

He said that he had snuck in during the surgery that I had last week and had a look and was satisfied that there was no visible signs of the cancer present.

The Blood tests and other tests that I had were also negative for indications of cancer cells etc.

I have another operation in about 3 weeks (tentatively around the 21st April), this time by the cancer dude to confirm that all is right with my innards and that the infection has been dealt with. If all is unky dory I then go onto a routine of check operations every six months for the next five years. The Blood tests and poking and prodding will also continue on a regular basis.

After that all I have to do is wait for everything to heal, start on getting physically fit again and deal with some associated medical problems and I should be ready to enter the normal human world again by June/July.

It has taken three years but I now feel confident in saying that I have beaten the evil demon. A little bit more work to do on my part and all will be right once again in Big Bad Al's world.

Stay good and be kind to each other.

More USB Bling (Edited 30/03/2009)

2009-03-29T19:19:00.013+10:00

Have you survived the financial melt down? Are you a retiring Banker or CEO? Why not shout yourself one of these?The Gold Disk On Key is a USB drive made out of 14K gold with three diamonds inset that are backlit and light up when the drive is working. The drive also has a 4GB capacity, which means it's totally worth the US$2,000 price tag. Although it's still cheaper than the US$3,500 Gold USB below. Which means if you show up to your annual rich person's meeting with the Gold Disk On Key you'll be laughed out of the room.

This Gold USB stick comes in either 14 or 18 carat gold and is available with diamonds for US$3,500 or without diamonds for US$2,800. It doesn't even list the storage capacity because, well, who cares about that. If you have to ask its capacity you can’t afford it.. The only goal when you buy something like this is to show off how rich you are. Personally, I just tape a bunch of cash to my USB stick. $100 bills, baby. That's how I roll.

Have an urge to do a bit of espionage?

The Thanko Spydisk packs an SD card reader/writer along with 512 MB of its own flash memory into a pen the size of one of those jumbo pencils you used in kindergarten because you had no hand coordination. The USB connector is hidden under the pen cap, and the card reader is behind the pen's clip. I question its spy-worthiness. Of course, I'm not a very good spy. The last time I tried to steal a company's trade secrets I didn't download anything and accidentally uploaded my personal banking information, along with some private pictures my girlfriend.

This one is for those of us who want to strengthen our Apocalypse Fortress. Although not a Data storage device, it is USB Powered.

The "vCrib" is a USB powered sentry gun that can be controlled via a remote computer. Moreover, the weapon actually packs a webcam on the barrel, allowing users to login via computer, tilt / swivel the gun with simple mouse flicks, and fire away if you spot any intruders within its broad line of sight.

EDIT 30/03/2009
OK I've done some research into the vCrib gun. It is still in the development stage but it has good possibilities. I think we could adapt it to our purposes. Have a look at the video and let me know what you think.

Stay Good and be Kind to each other.

Damn these little blue pills

2009-03-27T19:54:00.013+10:00

It is about 2100hrs Friday, and this is about the third time I've tried to write this.

I keep getting distracted by the dancing monkey outside my window.

Oops. Wrong Monkey

No wait, the Blue Elephant just sat on him.

I am back home again. I managed to escape from the hospital at about 7 pm Thursday. Spent most of today sleeping. Had to get up at 7am to pop a heap of meds and went back to bed.

Everything went well. Even the Administration people were a pleasure to deal with.

It turns out that it was a severe infection around the previous operation site (the one I had at Christmas) that is doing all the damage. The Surgeon cleaned it up and prescribed a massive dose of antibiotics to combat the infection. He said that there was no sign of any cancer so that is the good news.

I see the Cancer Specialist on 1st April to discuss if further Chemo is needed and future management which will most likely be a check operation (usually involving Keyhole Surgery) every three to six months for the next 5 years. The check operation is where they have a look and make sure that the cancer has not returned. There is also regular blood tests and CT Scans involved which will indicate early signs of it returning. Hopefully that was the last major surgery that I have to have.

But I'm not declaring victory just yet. Still a little way to go to get fit and healthy again.

So far I feel pretty good but I suspect that the little blue pills may have something to with that.

Now where did that Blue Elephant go?

Stay good and be kind to each other.

Off to Hospital... again.

2009-03-25T21:36:00.005+10:00

Wednesday: Well off to hospital, again.

See ya'll when I get back.

Meanwhile enjoy this bit of music which says it all.

Need a present for someone special?

2009-03-21T23:13:00.020+10:00

Need a little something for that someone special. Consider a USB Drive. There are many varieties, shapes and sizes. Here is a small selection.

Firstly how about a real Thumb Drive?

A Terra Cotta Drive.

A Swiss Army Knife Drive

A Gold, Jewel Encrusted Drive with Silk Tassell - About US$800

This one is for Nautilus - Should scare a few clients.

One for the Kiwis among us - A Tiki Drive

One for NatalieV

One for BarnsM - Waterproof, Shockproof and Zombie proof

Guess who this one is for?

For that Military man in your life - Dog Tags Drive

One for Mr Havock - Bullet Drive

This one is for NowhereBob

For the sadists among us - Rip off the Doll's head and shove her in your Laptop

Don't want to rip off a doll's head - Try a Teddy Bear instead

For the security conscious - Use it to secure your bike as well.

This is for YankeeDog

and finally - One for The Sausage King

Well I hope I have helped with you next Office Birthday present.

Arrrgh, here be treasure me hearties!

2009-03-18T11:24:00.012+10:00

There are rumors, speculation, legends and documented evidence that other nations sailed the waters of this great brown land long before Captain James Cook stumbled upon us and claimed it for Queen and country.

The Chinese and Japanese sailed our East coast. The Dutch explored our West and Southern Coasts. In 1642 Able Tasman, a Dutch explorer, mapped and named Anthoonij van Diemenslandt (Van Diemen's Land) now known as Tasmania. The Portuguese and Spanish may have also poked around. Terra Australis (Land of the South) appeared on European maps from the 15th to the 18th century. There are shipwrecks aplenty around our vast coastline.

The Stradbroke Island Spanish Galleon story is one of Australia’s most enduring historic shipwreck mysteries and, along side Victoria’s Mahogany Ship, is the most controversial as it may yet prove that the Spanish reached Australia long before Captain Cook. The shipwreck is situated in the 18 Mile Swamp on Stradbroke Island. The supposedly Spanish shipwreck has been causing controversy since the mid 19th Century when the first reports of a mysterious oak shipwreck in the swamp began to circulate amongst the people of the young colony of Moreton Bay.

The first recorded investigation of the Stradbroke Island shipwreck appears to have been in about 1860 by the Moreton Bay pilot and light keeper Mister Graham who found both the wreck and an ancient wood stocked anchor in the vicinity of Swan Bay at the south end of Stradbroke Island. He retrieved the anchor and had it on display at his home near Nerang for some years. His wife, who was of Aboriginal descent, recalled that the Aboriginal people had known of the shipwreck’s existence for a long time; this position is supported by a number of oral histories that tell of whites being shown the wreck by Stradbroke Island Aborigines.

The story that the shipwreck was of a Spanish Galleon in the Swamp of Stradbroke Island appears to have begun in the later 1880’s or early 1890’s, started either by two young Russell Island residents, John Willes and Ivan Bond, who found the remains of the shipwrecked “galleon” on the ocean side of Stradbroke Island in about 1886 or by Mathew Heeb, a timber getter and shipwright, who found the remains of ship with a “high poop and forecastle” in the 18 Mile Swamp near Swan Bay.

The discovery of a sailor's dirk, a brass walking stick head, a brass button, a sword blade, a fishing weight and a corroded silver coin dated 1597 on Stradbroke Island is presented as evidence of the existence of a Portuguese or Spanish Galleon buried in the 18 mile swamp.

Up until the mid 1930’s a number of people had found the mysterious shipwreck in the swamp on Stradbroke Island, often shown the location by Aborigines. Two well documented and successful expeditions to find the Stradbroke "galleon” occurred in 1934 after a huge fire burned through the Eighteen Mile Swamp from Swan Bay to Blue Lake and burnt the timbers of the wreck that were above ground level to a point where only the thickest of them remained. Since that fire it appears that only one person has seen the wreck. A member of a sand mining crew who saw it immediately after a fire burned through the Swamp in the late 1970’s.

History tells us that Captain Cook was the first European to reach the east coast of Australia and finding a pre-Cook shipwreck on Stradbroke Island would mean that all the history books would be wrong and have to be re-written.

Within the local history of Stradbroke Island there is a significant body of historic material that links the Stradbroke Island Galleon with members of the Aboriginal population of Stradbroke Island. There are also numerous stories which state that the Stradbroke Island Aborigines have had Spanish gold coins in their possession as well as other artifacts from the Spanish Galleon, some stories even state that certain Stradbroke Island Aborigines are custodians of the secret location of the galleon’s hidden treasure and that this knowledge is passed down carefully through the generations.

Is it a lost Portuguese or Spanish exploration ship, a caravel or carrack? Or is it the wreck a Mexican treasure galleon or a Manila Galleon, carrying millions of pesos in silver and gold coin, shipwrecked on the Queensland coast by some ancient storm now waiting in the 18 Mile Swamp to re-write maritime history?

Historic and archaeological evidence suggests this mysterious Queensland shipwreck is likely to be either Portuguese or Spanish vessel shipwrecked whilst exploring Queensland's coastline.

Now if you will excuse me while I find my metal detector and head off to Straddie.

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

2009-03-08T21:30:00.008+10:00

At the Southern end of Moreton Bay is two Islands - North and South Stradbroke Islands. This was not always the case. They were originally one island - Stradbroke Island.

Stradbroke Island was gradually severed in two in the mid 1890s with the breakthrough of the ocean at Jumpinpin. It all started with a shipwreck.

In the early morning of the 3rd Septemember, 1894, the barque, Cambus Wallace ran aground in the heavy seas near the narrow isthmus of Tuleen. Some of the crew managed to make it to shore, but five men drowned.

The hatches broke open as the tide rose and tons of cargo washed overboard. The vessel was carrrying whiskey, beer and cases of explosives consigned to Thomas Brown and Websters, general merchants in Brisbane.

Assistance came from Southport residents and families living at the island's oyster camp at Currigee. Custom officers and the Police from Brisbane travelled by steamer to the wreck. After taking care of the survivors, the rescue party buried the dead on a hill between two pandanus trees.

In later weeks a salvage operation began. The explosives from the cargo were piled together and detonated. All this activity concentrated in one area, plus the storm and tide action, weakened and later eroded the sand dunes along the narrow spit of land.

By the spring of 1896, the tide had divided Stradbroke Island in two. The graves and memorial to mariners from the Cambus Wallace washed away into the waters of the new Jumpinpin Bar.

Stay good and be kind to each other.

Birmo didn't mention this in "He Died with a Felafel in his Hand"!

2009-03-03T14:32:00.001+10:00

Cat 'stuffed in homemade bong' by owner

Nebraska authorities cited 20-year-old Acea Schomaker on suspicion of animal cruelty on Sunday after catching him smoking marijuana from a contraption that had a cat stuffed inside its 30cm by 15cm base.

Read the full story here.

I wonder what the price of a foil of Moggie is on the street?

New Stealth Technology?

2009-02-28T20:37:00.002+10:00

Another "No Words Needed"

2009-02-27T10:58:00.005+10:00

Is Journalism Dying?

2009-02-15T19:38:00.001+10:00

I am a News Hound. I read, watch and listen to the News for most of my day. I subscribe to a dozen or so email newsletters from Australia and around the World and my first task after firing up my computer is to read these newsletters. My local print newspaper is The Courier Mail and I read the newsletters, online and print versions. We also have a local online only newspaper, The Brisbane Times. Yes, I call it a newspaper even though it is online. It is laid out and presented in the style of other online versions of newspapers. When the Brisbane Times was launched it was mooted that a print version would follow. We are still waiting for that.

I am not a Journalist or an author of fiction. My claim to fame with the written word is that I wrote manuals; Technical, Procedure and Training Manuals. My efforts were mostly print versions but include some online publications. My crowning achievements in this field is a Search and Rescue Manual for the Army and a 300 page book on The Use and Handling of Explosives which, for a while, was used as the text for people attending courses to get their Explosives Licences in Queensland. I have also penned a couple of dozen other manuals. I realise that technical writing requires a different skill set to those required by News Journalist and writers of thrilling tales.

My intent is to highlight the new and innovative approaches to journalism that are emerging in an information empowered world. I make these observations from a reader's perspective.

So what does the journalism profession become when information is free and everyone is a publisher? One of the biggest innovations is the Citizen Reporter. There are Blogs, Twitter, Wikipedia, social networks and interactive participation with the ability for reader's comments. There is also Mobile Phones, Instant Messaging and Multimedia (Photos and Video) all of which can provide a blow by blow commentary of events.

Many of the practices and conventions of journalism today were actually invented to cope with an age when timely information was difficult and expensive to gather and deliver. Journalists do what they do in large part because they have had to deal with deadlines, transport schedules and news stands, all of which added time and cost. They don’t have to worry about that stuff any more.

Today, everyone is potentially a journalist, even if only for a few minutes. Technology has made it possible for news to be reported in near real-time and readers have come to expect this. The cost of reporting and publishing news is now effectively zero.

Publishing is now a beginning, not an end. Once a story goes online, updates and refinements may last for years.

Any person or institution with an interest in a story has the capacity to publish facts, commentary and updates without seeking anyone’s permission. Responsible journalists need to incorporate that information into their work as appropriate.

All of these realities reverse rules that have existed for years. This is why publishers need to rethink everything. Nearly everything has changed.

But some things haven’t. People still want trusted sources of information. They want clear distinctions between fact and conjecture. Governments and Institutions need to be monitored. We need to know whom to trust. These needs won’t change if newspapers go away, so someone will need to fill the void.

How does journalism need to evolve? Let’s start with the role of the reporter, because that function is likely to change the most. The traditional function of reporter doesn’t make sense any more. Every day, hundreds of thousands of people in cities around the world put their faith in the hands of a small number of people to gather and deliver the news. For the most part, these people aren’t experts in the topics they cover. Reporters get shifted to new beats all the time. Reporters are resourceful, however. Most of them are pretty good at learning on the fly, figuring out what’s important and presenting that information clearly and succinctly. These are important skills and they’ll be needed for a long time to come.

There’s a lot of waste in reporting, though. Most of what a reporter learns in the process of working a story is discarded. Even more waste occurs when a story is cut for space. In the end, a task that requires hours of information-gathering may be boiled down to a couple of hundred words on a page. This was necessary in a time- and space-limited world, but it isn’t necessary any more.

The traditional limitations of print and broadcast media have required reporters to make scores of value judgments during the reporting process. An hour-long interview may result in a single sentence of published information or a three-second sound bite. In essence, one trained person makes decisions affecting what hundreds of thousands of people may know. Reporters do a pretty good job of upholding the trust that readers put in them, but the rules are all different now. No one should be denied access to information just because there wasn’t enough space.

Today, nearly every relevant fact about a story may be captured and shared with anyone who’s interested. This service may be provided by the reporter, participants, observers and commentators. This information doesn’t have to be part of the story that the reporter submits for publication, but it should be available to those who want to know. The reporter’s role expands to include not only making judgments about what information to include but also about where to link for more information. The “story” becomes an entry point to an archive of relevant content that may be of interest to different people. The ability to make these associations becomes a core journalism skill. The choice of where to link and what background to provide becomes part of editorial voice.

This new reality should be liberating for readers and journalists alike. No longer do journalists have to make difficult choices about what readers may know. No longer do readers have to regard media institutions with suspicion. Everyone is free to contribute, correct and weigh in on the story. Whatever the media entity chooses not to cite in its published account can be discovered through search. Journalists will be more accountable and readers will be more confident that they can trust the information they receive.

A lot of media veterans are uncomfortable with this idea, though. Their profession has long been shrouded in mystery. Editors are accountable only to a small group of higher-ups who share the same priorities as they do. A self-policing strategy rarely works. Very few readers understand what goes on in a newsroom, and this makes them suspicious.

We’re going to start opening that up. When readers and viewers have access to the source material for a reporter’s story, they feel more confident that the account is accurate, even if they never consult that background. The basic point is that the reporters will increasingly become aggregators and topic stewards. They will be obliged to present a variety of inputs and opinions because those opinion-makers will publish whether the reporter wants them to or not.

Reporters will also come to write not only the first draft of history, but subsequent drafts as well. A story will evolve the same way that an entry in Wikipedia begins as a one-sentence stub and evolves into a comprehensive account representing multiple sources and points of view and the public will participate in this process. Mostly, they will observe, but they will have confidence that the process by which the truth is reported is transparent and accessible if they so wish.