Hello! Hello! Is anyone out there? This is the Redcliffestan Civil Defence. Can anyone hear me?
Still no answer. Haven't heard the "All Clear" Siren yet. Must be worse than I thought.
It has been 72 hours since I evacuated to my bunker after the warnings from the Government about the Swine Flu and the approaching Four Pigs of the Porkalypse.
I wonder why the others haven't turned up yet. Where is Nowhere Bob. He should have been here by now. It is only a short boat ride down the coast from Noosa. I left a note for him on the beach with directions and secret password to my bunker.
And the Brisbane Burgers should be here also. Maybe the bridge is blocked by all the abandoned cars.
Better do a another check of my supplies.
Food for 4 months... Check.
Water for 4 months... Check.
Fuel for Generator... Check
Air Filtration System... Check.
Emergency Communications... Check
Well everything looks good in here.
Hello! Hello! Is anyone out there? This is the Redcliffestan Civil Defence. Can anyone hear me?
It is quiet out there. My sensors picked up some Crows earlier. Maybe they are fighting over the carcasses of those who did not make it.
I should have brought a couple of women with me to the bunker. When I begin the repopulation of the post Porkalypse world I will have to find some females. I don't trust any person who is outside at the moment. The guy from the CDC in the USA said the virus had mutated. They could have mutated into human/porcine Zombies.
Hello! Hello! Is anyone out there? This is the Redcliffestan Civil Defence. Can anyone hear me?
Still no answer. *Checks Emergency Radio* Yep seems to be working and it is on the Emergency Frequency recommended in those Civil Defence Booklets my Dad had.
Maybe I should go out and check. My Disposal Store BioSuit is hanging in the corner. No. Better not. It came with only one set of filters. Better save it until I need it. Besides that Government lady on the Telly said it would take about 4 to 6 weeks for the pandemic to work it's way through the population.
Geeze, I wish I had brought a TV or Radio down with me. At least I've got a couple of those books written by that Birmingham fellow. Maybe they will cheer me up and take my mind off the destruction of the world.
Arh well, might as well settle in. It'll be a while before it is safe to come out of here.
Hello! Hello! Is anyone out there? This is the Redcliffestan Civil Defence. Can anyone hear me?
Bloody Mexico! Why did they do it? WHY?
22 comments:
.... can hear... no ... panic ..swine.... bullsh.... at... ns.... at.. hello AL can you hear me i say again do not leave your house. especially if you looke even a little hispanic. the swine flue is a bullshit cover story. The Zombies have attacked. they want brains. if you get this i am at ofuck nooooooooo.....
From this part of town I'd nuke Brisbane if I could if it got that bad.
Four months supply of food?. Got the water covered. I live right beside your water supply. I piss in it regularly. TOTAL joke. My first plan in the event of an Aporkalypse is to take the Woolies.
Uamada! Uamada! Come in U. I hear you.
*Silence*
Nooooo! They got Uamada!
Well, cross him off my list of "Friendlies".
How do I know you is the real Moko. You could have Goat Flu for all I know.
No. No. No. Everybody knows the chicken dance so you can stop doing that. We changed the password.
Besides that ain't my water you is pissin in. Our water comes from the North Pine Dam.
The garlic seems to work fine down here, mind you the Z is only out at night.
Coming in loud and clear here.
(Yes, it is the real Daze too.)
Mmmmm...Garlic and Pork Flu Chops.
DD... If you is the real Daze then who is in here... Arrrgh! A cloned PiggyZombie Daze...
Out, damn'd Spot! (I nicknamed her Spot) out, I say!
Phew! That was close.
This is USS Sawfish, Commander Towers speaking. Where are you, Redcliffeistan?
(Bonus points if you get the reference and the tie-in)
We are all going to die.
Of something.
Eventually.
I realise this view is alarmist, but as a Doctor, I feel it needs to be made clear.
Anyone for bacon butties?
Commander Towers this is Redcliffestan. You took your time getting here. Where have you been? On a beach somewhere?
Dr Y, I'm too young to die of something. Can I have a chicken and bacon Buttie.
Have you considered posting over on Lost Zombies
http://www.lostzombies.com/
or there is the twitter post of the zombie apocalypse, but strangely its down at present.
http://www.brandflakesforbreakfast.com/2008/07/what-zombie-attack-looks-like-on.html
Hello BBA, if you can make your way south, all is good in melbourne.
Too cold for zombies and viruses to survive down here.
Mr Barnes, those guys aren't taking this Porkalypse and PiggyZombie threat seriously. Fools.
Hello Nautilus. Are you sure it is safe to come out? Is there a clear run to the Border? Have the Movement Detectors and AutoGuns been disabled?
life is good in Alaska..just changed the oil and filter on the Ford van.
Thing is damn near bulletproof.
Hey AK... Paint some flowers on your van and you can be the token hippy dude that tags along with the survivor convoy.
While you at it can you get me one of those F650s. It should push abandoned cars off the road without even stopping.
Don't trust anyone and don't surface for a while. Just treat it like you've got a hangover and don't feel like doing anything.
Are you the real Therbs and can I trust you? Just in case I shall stay in my bunker.
Braaains
Snort snuffle
Braaaains
Arh, there you are NB. Man, you don't look well. You better go over there and see the nice man with the chainsaw.
I believe I am the real Therbs and you can trust me when it comes to hangovers. Mine today was teh result of a combination of beer, rum and whisky.
What a hoot!
;-)
Therbs: Self inflicted wounds don't count.
Padre: Good to see you. When this is all over we will need a good Town Administrator.
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Arrgh!Speak up or hang from the yard arm. Arrgh!