You know you're Australian if....

It is the Australia Day long weekend. So for the edgumication of our Foreign Devil friends;

You know you're Australian if....

• You know the meaning of 'girt'
• You believe that stubbies can either be worn or drunk
• You think it is normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin
• You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse
• When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and with whom
• You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds
• You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'
• You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'
• You believe the 'L' in the word ' Australia ' is optional but either way, the ‘ia’ is pronounced ‘ya’.
• You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas'
• You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass pineapples, bananas, prawns and sheep
• You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'
• You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place
• You believe is makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin
• You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'
• You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis
• You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'u'
• You wear Ugg boots outside the house
• You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them
• Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language
• You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite
• You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasions via your nose
• You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'
• You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle
• Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules of beach cricket
• You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'
• You still think of Kylie Minogue as 'that girl off Neighbours'
• When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit
• You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered
• You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction
• When working at a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer
• You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second

OK Foreign Devils anything you don't understand, ask away. I'm sure we will put you right.

Subsisto bonus quod exsisto pius ut invicem